I will not make a s’mores pun

I won’t make a s’mores pun because I read so many blog entries looking for this recipe wherein all these (probably perfectly nice and I’m sorry for being so fucking bitter, seriously) ladies said this one million times: “I wanted……..wait for it…..s’more of this pie!!!!!”

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And that’s totally cool, but every time it happened a little of my soul died, and after you’ve read about 8 blog posts about s’mores pie and you don’t have all that much soul to begin with, all you want is for ladies to not make obvious puns when they’re making obvious pies. I suppose that was the other issue. Everyone kept acting like s’mores pie was some sort of revelation. Oh my god, chocolate pie in a graham cracker crust with marshmallows on top!! WHAT GENIUS THOUGHT OF THIS? Etc etc. I hate to burst bubbles, but, this s’mores pie is an obvious pie. There is no genius here, except that it takes the s’mores recipe and blows it up to pie-proportions (I WILL NOT SAY PIE-PORTIONS).

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I bought the graham cracker crust because I had no more soul after all the lady-food-blogs-oh-my-gawd-s’mores-piiiiie-thing. Also, I didn’t have TIME. I was at book club and I was so full of frustration at the book we read that I was antsy to talk about how much I hated the main character (and in hating her, hate myself, or something, right? where is my therapist?). Also it was cheaper to buy the pre-made crust because we live in post-industrial America and the value of crushing Barbara’s graham bunnies in a plastic bag with a hammer, though thoroughly enjoyable, was not negative 40 cents. You dig?

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You: Kat, you are hating a lot tonight. Me: I know, and there’s no real reason!! I just had a lovely dinner and am listening to music on my couch. I had to work overtime tonight, but I didn’t even care because I love my job!! And I get to fly home tomorrow and there might be a thunderstorm!!! Sometimes I just get carried away with what it means to have a food blog that isn’t written by some sweet and honest young mom so I feel this intense pressure to be sassy and talk about sex and act like I don’t give a fuck about handmade jam labels. It’s exhausting!!! Because I love labels!

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And this pie was great, really. Perhaps it helped that I bought organic high class not-too-sweet marshmallows, the jet-puffed variety of which I find incredibly cloying. Perhaps also lending a hand was the not-too-sweet chocolate pie base. It was pretty spectacular on its own, beyond the whole MIND-BLOWING concept of turning s’mores into a pie (THE SMARTEST THING ANY DOMESTIC LADY HAS EVER THOUGHT OF LET’S WRITE A TWEE COOKBOOK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS S’MORES CAN TURN INTO).

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The last thing I’ll say, and a reason I find this pie so successful, is that the only reason s’mores are not delicious is when one hasn’t properly melted the chocolate, which is not an issue here with this lovely chocolate pot-de-creme-y pie. People erroneously think the heat from the marshmallow will adequately melt the chocolate on the cracker, but that shit ain’t RIGHT. You have to melt it separately, on a rock or a macguyvered-grill-type-situation, or you’ll have hard chocolate with a slightly slippery surface where it touches the marshmallow. I have made so many s’mores, friends.

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Man, you guys don’t care about my s’mores philosophy. You just want this genius pie recipe. Well. I won’t leave you waiting any…..s’more.

Bah!

S’mores Pie
slightly adapted from How Sweet It Is 

for crust
1 3/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 1/4 sticks butter, melted

Preheat oven to 325.

Add melted butter and graham cracker crumbs together until a crust forms. Press in to a 9 inch pie plate.

for chocolate filling (from Tyler Florence)

3/4 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup milk
10 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
1 tablespoons sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
2 tbsp unsalted butter

1 bag of large marshmallows

Combine milk and heavy cream in a saucepan and heat over low heat. Watch carefully and once it begins to simmer, remove from heat and add in chocolate. Stir with a spatula until chocolate is melted, then whisk in sugar and salt. In a separate bowl, lightly beat the 2 eggs. Slowly add eggs to chocolate mixture while whisking.

Pour chocolate filling in to graham crust. Tyler’s directions call for the filling to be baked for 15-20 minutes, but mine needed about 30-35. Pay attention and check every 5-10 minutes after 20 minutes pass. One the chocolate is no longer liquid, remove the tart and top with as many large marshmallows as you can fit. I heated my broiled on low, and stuck the pie back in for 2 minutes so the top could get golden. The other option is to just place it back in the oven for a few minutes until they melt or use a kitchen torch.

Let cool then refrigerate for 1-2 hours before cutting.

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