Hey kids. It’s 9pm, I’m watching a tv show in which James van der Beek plays himself (oh yes, I love the Beek), I’m on my 2nd glass of wine, I just did all the laundry that exists, and ate 2 slices of cold pizza and 2 “organic” peanut butter cups. Sounds like it’s TIME FOR A POST.
I was going to write about how isn’t it a shame when you’re buying plantar wart remedies at Safeway and all the cashiers are young not-unattractive dudes? But then I read this article about how being an optimist makes you live longer, and my friend Purd used to make me listen to the song “Accentuate the Positive” by NRBQ, and one of my friends had a “calming manatee” status message on gchat, so we’re going to do this all not negative, or somesuch.
Plus, last week my coworkers and I got together to eat pizza and drink wine (life theme.) and gossip and make…..
Fucking ridiculous Cookie Monster Cupcakes.
Look. Listen. I’m not a crazy young mom with a blog and my own fashion line because my husband thinks I’m a good sewer and my friends humor me by buying my hand-crafted toddler headbands or whatever. In fact, ater reading this, I feel less ready for childrearing than ever. Not to mention the fact I haven’t found a willing co-partner yet. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I could have a kid in 9 months from….tomorrow. If I really wanted to. But no one has as yet looked me in the beautiful (shh, part of the fantasy) eyes and been like “Kat I want to have babies with you because your genes are so good and also do you want a cold beer right now?” So you know, I’m not a mom and there aren’t exhausting kid birthdays to attend to or small socks to somehow put on (seriously, how do you put on baby socks?! their feet are like endives).
BUT, I do work with some folks who are several years younger than me. Sometimes they name bands I don’t know, and use im-speak that came about after everything I learned on AIM. For example, kids these days say things like “totes.” Well, anyway. One of my coworkers is a young lad, fresh out of college, still in the phase of his life where he eats everything he sees and none of it finds residence in his midsection. So we feed him pretty much everything, mostly for sport (but not when HR is looking). The alleged story is that he was drunk and admitted wanting these cupcakes to another fellow coworker of mine, and that’s all it took for us non-moms-whose-biological-clocks-tell-us-we-should-be-making-muppet-themed-cupcakes-by-now.
We’re all like….a bunch of late 20s, early 30s ladies who are sorta practicing for being adults, but none of us are really adults? You know? Because we’d still rather drink wine and go to drag shows and have long hair than like….touch a child’s snot.
But our young coworker, whose birthday it was, is such a young and positive person. He like, loves things still. You know? He hasn’t been ravaged by years-long-failing relationships and the realization that you can’t just eat everything you want anymore and taxes and vaccuum cleaners and the fact that men hate to do dishes and day drinking gets old. So when we gave him these cupcakes for his 24th birthday, he made this face. And he was all genuine about it, and touched that we had all gotten together to make him a birthday present, and he was so young and innocent. It was really nice.
The bottom line is, I work with some rad people. Some of you maybe haven’t figured out that this is the path to happiness. I encourage you to figure it out, pronto. I may be old and bitter and winey and a mess, but god damn I work with some amazing people, and they keep me sane.
Man, that was so much genuine feeling. I gotta go like…..watch porn or something. Oh wait, that James van der Beek show is still on. BRB (as the young kids would say).
Cookie Monster Cupcakes
Basically we made carrot cake cupcakes, cream cheese frosting, dyed some sweetened coconut blue with food coloring, and made eyes out of marzipan and “food markers” though a backward chocolate chip would also work. We used to Jacque Torres chocolate chip cookies for the…cookies, because we are fancy ladies all of us. Good luck making this for your child who will never appreciate it like our coworker did!