I am progressing as a human. I know this because this morning I ALMOST forgot to put on my underwear, but then I didn’t! Sure, I remembered after I had already put my shoes on, so then I had to slip them on over my shoes, which is a very awkward affair. But panties got put on. Plus there was no one around to witness it, except for maybe the people whose window aligns with mine across the street, one of whom I made awkward nude eye contact with when I was in my kitchen. Just in case you’re wondering, I was the nude. He was on his cell phone. My kingdom to hear what he said to the person on the other line when he saw the weird girl from across the street putting away her dishes in the buff.
I also figured out how to roast corn when you’re lacking a grill. Well, I didn’t exactly figure it out. I’ve seen this done before with pitas and naan and similar bread-type things, and I didn’t see any reason you couldn’t do it with corn. It requires a bit of heat-desensitizing (or asbestos-hands, as i like to call it), or a skewer or something, and those little corn hairs are FLAMMABLE. But it really works, and god knows I love a good shortcut and/or macguyver. Which is why I don’t own: a double boiler (pot+glass bowl), an avocado cutter (really? it’s called a knife. any knife), a lint roller (masking tape!), or an iron (laziness. i actually do need an iron. a heavy book does not work).
This corn salad was inspired by a similar one at a fancy gourmet grocery store. It was made for my sister’s bachelorette party weekend, which we spent in a beach house on the north coast of California, drinking wine, playing board games, sitting in the hot tub, and eating. I was sure I was going to get a picture of the final product, but instead I downed a bottle of merlot and basted myself in hot water. Sorry! Too much delicious corn salad and sweet potato enchiladas. I was tempted to make penis-pasta-salad, but -amirightladies- who wants to put those in their mouth without promise for reciprocation?????
Aw, one step forward, two steps back. Like how I successfully flirted with work crush the other day, but then today I turned red and silent when he said my name. Sigh.
Roasted corn salad
4 ears corn, roasted & de-cobbed
1/2 cucumber, chopped small
1 bell pepper, diced
1 red onion, chopped small
2 heirloom tomatoes, diced
handful of cilantro, chopped roughly
oil & red wine vinegar
salt & pepper
red pepper flakes to taste cuz you hot!
Roast the corn on the grill or over an open flame. Let cool and use a sharp knife to cut the kernels off the cob. Chop up some onion, cucumber, bell pepper, heirloom tomatoes, and cilantro. And whatever else! Parsley? Jalapeno? Other stuff I don’t even know about?! Do it! Oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, pepper flakes to taste. Tastes best after it has marinated in its own juices for a few hours.