El Oh El Ehhhh

Yesterday in the microkitchen at work I was holding my salad bowl, coffee tumbler, and water glass. I was dancing the delicate dance of trying to dispose of my compostibles in the compost bin, return the salad bowl to the bus tray, and not spill my water or my now-cold-gross-old-morning-leftover-coffee. Needless to say I spilled gross cold coffee on the ground. And, as these things go, there was a dude in there. A not-unattractive dude. A dude I’ve Seen Around the office. Anyway, he had his back turned, but when I squealed as the coffee spilled he turns and goes….I’m sorry, did I make you do that?

I mean, how do I even answer that question? Short answer: no, you didn’t make me do this, mildly attractive coworker. I did this to myself. Long answer? You’re decent looking and you are approximately 6ft tall and I’ve witnessed some interactions of yours and you seem like a very kind yet confident fellow. You existed in the same space as I did for all of 2 minutes and that elevated my heart rate ever so slightly. So yeah, my task at hand didn’t have my complete focus. Part of my brain may or may not have been thinking about what you might look like in just boxers. Maybe in just boxers and also you’ve just fixed me a breakfast sandwich. I’m sorry, I can’t help myself! So yes, mildly attractive, not-overly confident, considerate coworker. Yes you made me do this.

Then, a mere 3 minutes later, after I sat down at my desk and wrote a note on my hand to remember to bring checks to my sister’s house, I wiped that very hand across my mouth after a particularly juicy apple bite. I look over at my buddy S and he goes, dude. You been making out with a smurf? And I was like…whatsies? He was like…blue pen. All over your mouth.

Some days you feel like a mess, some days you don’t (allegedly). To tie this to the recipe (extremely loooosely): These cookies are a mess of toasted coconut and pecans, oats, and all sorts of shit. They are called Chunky Lolas, which is a solid cookie name, despite being a somewhat unfortunate nickname for any human female. It’s like that time I had to take iron supplements called Slow-Fe and we all agreed that we could never name our daughters Sofie, because what if one day she ran track (which may or may not be forced upon her), and what if she’s on a team and there are 2 Sofies, and she’s the slower of the two, and all the mean girls call her Slow-fie? WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS, INTERNET????

Chunky Lola Cookies
adapted from Flour
makes 18-20 cookies

1 stick + 3 Tbsp of unsalted butter
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cup light brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
2/3 cup old-fashioned rolled oats (not instant or quick cooking)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
9 ounces bittersweet chocolate chopped into 1/2-inch pieces
1 1/4 cups pecan halves, toasted and chopped
1 cup sweetened shredded coconut

Using a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream together the butter, granulated sugar, and brown sugar on medium speed for about 5 minutes, or until the mixture is light and fluffy. (This step wil take about 10 minutes if using a handheld mixer or spoon.) Stop the mixer a few times and use a rubber spatula to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl and the paddle to release any clinging butter or sugar. Beat in the eggs and vanilla on medium speed for 2 to 3 minutes, or until thoroughly combined. Scrape the bowl and the paddle again to make sure the eggs are thoroughly incorporated.

In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, oats, baking soda and salt. Add the chocolate, pecans, and coconut and toss to combine. On low speed (or with the wooden spoon), slowly add the flour mixture to the butter mixture and then mix just until the flour mixture is totally incorporated and the dough is evenly mixed.

For the best results, scrape the dough into an airtight container and let it rest in the refrigerator overnight (or for at least 3 to 4 hours) before baking. When ready to bake, position a rack in the center of the oven, and heat the oven to 350ºF.

Drop the dough in ¼-cup balls onto a baking sheet, spacing them about 2 inches apart. Flatten each ball slightly with the palm of your hand.

Bake for 20 minutes, or until the cookies are golden brown on the edges and slightly soft in the center. Let the cookies cool on the baking sheet on a wire rack for 15 minutes, or until they are cool enough to remove with a spatula. Then transfer the cookies to a wire rack to cool completely, or enjoy them warm.

The cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 2 days. The unbaked dough can be stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 1 week.

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Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

1 thought on “El Oh El Ehhhh”

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