The other day I spent all day eating my feelings…my feelings apparently being like 8 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and all the granola that exists. Anyway, I was laying in bed watching tv on my computer, and my hands were underneath my body because, I don’t know, I wanted to keep them warm? It felt right? And I was eating a granola bar by resting it on my boobs and biting into it, like that trick some babes do with lipstick, only this is way sadder?, and some bits of the granola fell onto my shoulder. I despaired a bit, because I didn’t want to move my hands from their warm and comfortable lair underneath my body, so then I decided to just turn my head and stick out my tongue and guide the food from my shoulder into my mouth without the use of my hands.
I remember consciously considering what people might think of me if they saw this scene: fully grown woman splayed out on her bed, immobilized by her own body, eating granola off her chest, too lazy to brush the crumbs off, therefore shifting her body and tonguing them into her mouth. I also thought about all the other weird shit I do when no one is watching, like way weirder than that. I often wonder if everyone is equally weird in their private time, or if people just do normal things like read books and look out the window.
Anyhow, this eggs benedict salad is the opposite of me struggling to tongue granola into my mouth in bed. It’s healthy, I ate it with a fork at the table like a normal human being, and while creating it I mastered a new life skill: poaching eggs.
My friend C and her boyfriend L live in Davis and raise chickens. C&L came to SF to visit and brought with them a whole carton of fresh chicken eggs for me! You all know how I feel about eggs, so I was out of my mind overjoyed (they also brought me homemade beer! yeah! having friends who do things is the best!!). I felt like I needed to celebrate the eggs in an appropriate way, given that they’re special and extra nutritious and the yolks are crazy bright. So I learned to poach. Was it the best poaching job ever? Probably not. But it worked on the first try and I didn’t waste any precious egg and the yolk was exactly as runny as I wanted.
So high five for new life skill. Otherwise, this salad came to be as a result of my seeing these baby gem lettuce leaves at the farmer’s market and becoming incredibly enamored by them. Like pretty much as in love with lettuce as one can get. Then I added some asparagus and snap peas, capers for tang, heirloom tomato, cheese shavings, and some mustard-y vinaigrette. It was fucking legit. The kind of meal you eat and think….shit y’all, if I’d ordered this at a restaurant, I’d’ve been stoked. So plus one for me, which brings my lifetime total up to like -99,678 or thereabouts.
Eggs Benedict Salad for one.
handful of baby gem lettuce leaves (or butter lettuce, or whatever you want)
1/2 bunch asparagus, chopped diagonally into 1/2″ chunks
olive oil, s&p to taste
handful of snap peas, chopped
1 heirloom tomato
1 tbsp capers
1 tbsp mustard
1 tsp olive oil
1 tbsp hummus
some hard, sharp cheese, shaved
Heat a small frying pan on medium-high heat. Toss the asparagus chunks with olive oil, salt, and pepper. Saute the asparagus in the pan until slightly soft, about 3 or 4 minutes. Remove from heat.
Bring a small saucepan of water and 1 tbsp white vinegar to low boil. Once bubbles start forming, reduce heat so that the boil is low and there are no big bubbles. Crack the egg into a small measuring cup or similar container. Slowly lower the egg into the barely-boiling water and ease it out of the cup. Use a slotted spoon to gently nudge the whites into place. Let cook 4 minutes, then remove with slotted spoon onto a paper towel.
Whisk together the olive oil, mustard, and hummus. You can add some vinegar or lemon juice too, but I didn’t. Chives or parsley would also be nice here.
Arrange the lettuce in a bowl. Sprinkle the asparagus and snap peas on top. Cut 2 big slices of tomato and place on top. Sprinkle with capers and salt and pepper. Place the egg on top and spoon the mustard sauce on top. Shave some cheese on there and marvel at yourself. You are a golden god.