Triceratops meat

So, hey! First of all, this post has been written specifically for…

Second, I don’t know how I feel about sugar cookies. On the one hand, they are butter sugar flour and a little bit of lemon zest. I mean, you’re talking to the girl who eats raw pie dough. Like obviously this combination is delicious to me. On the other hand, I don’t have a lot of drive to make them. Unless I completely desperately need to write someone a letter out of cookies. Which sometimes happens, you know.

I mean for that purpose, and for the purpose of having cookies that are shaped like hippopotamuses, squirrels, the united states of america, and triceratopses, this dough is particularly apt. I could’ve decorated these cookies as well, but I got lazy, and also I hate the taste of decoration frosting (aka royal frosting, which is a poor misleading sobriquet YOU SEE THAT CASUAL GRE WORD DROP?). But you know, some people like to get all festive and shit, and somehow we are approaching the holidays, though I swear I looked at the calendar yesterday and it was March. No? What the fuck, time. This shit isn’t funny. Just hold on a second. Ok? Ok? Okay? I’m not ready to be halfway to 28. I am NOT READY FOR THAT, and no amount of delicious triceratops meat is going to make me ready, so just HOLD ON A SECOND.

Oh man, you know when you go through your whole life thinking if you were on Seinfeld you’d be Elaine, and then like one day you kinda wake up and realize…no. Oh, no. No, oh my god. I’m GEORGE.

I’m not saying I had that kind of day, but. Man. Shit. I kinda did.

Roll-out Sugar Cookies

2½ cups (12 ounces) all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 egg
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon almond extract
16 tablespoons (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup (7 ounces) granulated sugar
¼ teaspoon lemon zest

1. In a medium bowl, mix the flour and baking powder. In a one-cup measuring cup, lightly beat the egg with the extracts.

2. In the bowl of a standing mixer (or in a large bowl with a handheld mixer), beat the butter and salt on medium speed until smooth. With the mixer running, gradually pour in the sugar; add the lemon zest. Beat on medium until fluffy, about 1 minute. With the mixer running, pour in the egg mixture and continue beating until incorporated. Scrape down the sides of the mixer bowl. With the mixer on low, gradually add the flour and mix just until evenly blended.

3. Lightly knead the dough to form a ball, press it into a disk 1-inch thick, and wrap tightly in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for 2 hours or overnight.

4. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat. Adjust a rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 375F. If you’ve chilled the dough overnight, it’ll need to sit at room temperature for half an hour or so to soften slightly. On a very lightly floured sheet of wax paper with a sheet of plastic wrap on top of the dough, roll the dough out to ¼-inch thick. Cut cookies using a floured cookie cutter. Re-roll scraps, always using as little flour as necessary.

5. Bake the cookies, one sheet at a time, for 5-9 minutes, until they no longer look wet on top. The baking time will depend on the size of the cookies you’ve cut. You don’t want the bottoms to be browned, except for maybe just a bit on the edges. Let the cookies rest for a couple minutes on the sheets before transferring them to cooling racks to finish cooling. Decorate as desired.


Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

3 thoughts on “Triceratops meat”

  1. 1. I spent an embarrassing amount of time scrutinizing the second picture in this post, trying to make the letters you removed – or the letters that remained – say something dirty. Or foul. Or mildly ill-tempered.

    2. What is the best holiday to celebrate with triceratops cookies? I’m thinking Columbus Day.

  2. you are my soulmate: “Oh man, you know when you go through your whole life thinking if you were on Seinfeld you’d be Elaine, and then like one day you kinda wake up and realize…no. Oh, no. No, oh my god. I’m GEORGE.”

    you make me want to write a screenplay so i can steal all your material.

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