Essjay

I realize I never posted the recipe to the regular ol’ strawberry jam (which was made at the same time as the strawberry-rhubarb jam), which is my bad. I’m totally that mom who loves one of her kids more than the other and insists it isn’t true but hangs Julia’s report cards from the fridge. Ha ha, just kidding. My mom doesn’t love my sister more than me. If history has proven anything, it is that I am totally fucking lovable. Unless we are not talking about familial love, but the kind of love that turns you into the oldest 27 year old on the planet earth whose high school friends just keep getting married and then you’re drunk at the wedding saying things into the microphone like “hey everyone so glad to be here tonight to share these two wonderful people’s happiness you know the divorce rate is 50% jokes! jokes! you know i love you guys y’all are the best but seriously you think this is going to work out cuz i gots news for you about how things work” and then debbie’s dad is leading you out of the tent and saying that everything is going to be ok and that you just need some coffee.

Naw, that never happened to me, but if it did I would blog about it for sure. Anyway, strawberry jam. I just have to say it: not as good as strawberry-rhubarb jam. I also think I added too much sugar. My bags. I’m sorry. I followed a Chez Panisse recipe, sorta? So, you know…where I went astray is probably the ISSUE here, but what I’m telling you is that I have a preference for strawberry+rhubarb, so strawberryMINUSrhubarb is never really going to get my pants off, unless I’m suuuuper drunk.

Have you been noticing the sharp decline from “playfully sarcastic” to “worryingly sardonic” in the tone of my posting? I hope so. If there’s anything I strive to be, it’s that girl that people laugh with but then secretly feel a little bit bad for, because everyone knows a potty-mouthed sarcastic asshole does not a marriageable lady make. Which is to say, your pity: I welcome it. Shower me, friends.

But also? Who has 2 kinds of homemade jam in her fridge, hmm? Really it’s you who is deserving of pity. You’d better rectify that.

Sun-dried Strawberry Jam
from Chez Panisse Fruit

Makes about 4 cups

Ingredients
5 cups strawberries
2 cups sugar
a few drops lemon juice (optional)
Directions

Rinse, dry and hull the strawberries. Slice them in half and then into thin slices.
Toss the slices with the sugar in a medium-size non-reactive pot and let them sit for 15 minutes while their juices are released and the sugar dissolves.
Cook the berries over high heat for 1 minute, skimming off any white foam as it rises. Immediately pour the hot jam into a flat-bottomed dish (or dishes) with a surface area large enough that the jam will spread to a thickness of no more than 1/2-inch in any one spot. Let the jam steam and cool uncovered. If the jam is thinner than you like at this point, let it sit out in a sunny spot to thicken. This can take a few days. Make sure the spot you choose is inaccessible to ants. If you want to put the jam outside, cover it with plastic wrap with a few holes punched in it to allow continued evaporation.
When the jam has reached the desired texture, taste it and adjust the sweetness with lemon juice, if necessary.
Transfer the jam to clean glass jars, seal tightly, and keep refrigerated for up to a month.

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Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

2 thoughts on “Essjay”

  1. so… I turn 28 before you do and I’m at least twice as single. And we’re the freaking maids of honor. This speech thing is going to be interesting.

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