The Chewy

This is the 3rd chocolate chip cookie recipe I am posting on this blog, and you’ll be sad to hear it’s my least favorite. I’m sad to write it. Because it’s from Alton Brown, and I LIKE him. I’ve said that before, what with him being wacky and all. But it’s an important lesson to learn: just because you like somebody, that doesn’t mean you have to like their cookie recipe.

I don’t know, though. He has, like, SCIENCE on his side. He’s always citing it and shit. That’s intimidating! I mostly side with science, except when science gets all “studies show this acne medication totally works, at least all the studies funded by the pharmaceutical company that owns said acne medication company” on me, which I guess disqualifies it from being Science anyway, even though everyone was probably wearing lab coats.

Do you want to hear my issues with the cookies though? Of course you do. These taste like those soft-baked cookies you buy in the store. Chips Ahoy or some shit. These ones. They are a really really good approximation of from-scratch no-preservatives-or-weird-ingredients soft-baked cookies. But you know what? Soft-baked cookies are like, totally not all the way awesome. Soft-baked cookies are getting a killer haircut but then someone not noticing (and you really hoped they would). Soft baked cookies are when you’ve been hiking in the sun and you’re super thirsty and you have a whole waterbottle full of water but it’s kind of lukewarm from the heat. Soft baked cookies are sitting on a nice grassy knoll reading a book but then you get up and your legs are all fuckin itchy.

So like, yeah, these are awesome soft baked cookies, if that is your thing. Personally, I like my cookies like I like my men: not a selfish prick all the god damned time. Hiyo! Didn’t see that one coming, did you? Ok, alright, if you prefer, which you probably do…insert sentence about not liking things that are soft that creates the perfect situation for: that’s what she said. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

The Chewy
from Alton Brown

2 sticks unsalted butter
2¼ cups bread flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
¼ cup sugar
1¼ cups brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons milk
1½ teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips

Hardware:
Ice cream scooper (#20 disher, to be exact)
Parchment paper
Baking sheets
Mixer

Heat oven to 375F.

Melt the butter in a heavy-bottom medium saucepan over low heat. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda and set aside.

Pour the melted butter in the mixer’s work bowl. Add the sugar and brown sugar. Cream the butter and sugars on medium speed. Add the egg, yolk, 2 tablespoons milk and vanilla extract and mix until well combined. Slowly incorporate the flour mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in the chocolate chips.

Chill the dough, then scoop onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet. Bake for 14 minutes or until golden brown, checking the cookies after 5 minutes. Rotate the baking sheet for even browning. Cool completely and store in an airtight container.

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Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

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