Blondies do NOT HAVE MORE FUN

Do you know what I have been doing lately, internet? Struggling. I have been struggling. Not real-type struggling, wherein I don’t have enough to eat or I can’t pay my rent or I don’t have shoes or I have a deadly disease. If you are a person who is real-type struggling, you might want to stop reading now, because what follows is going to sound like a Whole Lot of Whining to you.

Because that’s precisely what it is. Whining. Poor me. I’m 27 and I have a job and a place to sleep and I live in a beautiful city and guess what–this morning I bought myself a peach. Life is just TERRIBLE, isn’t it?

And yet. And yet. I am struggling. I am struggling with the thoughts that most human beings struggle with at key points in their lives. Namely: What am I supposed to be? How am I supposed to contribute to society? Where am I supposed to live? Why doesn’t it ever feel like I’m doing things right? Why did Kirk Cameron convert to that creepy religion? How much longer until breakfast?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. Furthermore, I made these blondies and they were TERRIBLE. Like, throw them in the garbage terrible. Truly truly awful. They tasted like eggs. IN THE BAD WAY. AND I DON’T KNOW WHY! I just don’t. I followed the instructions, mostly. I think? I don’t know! Martha! Why do you continue to derail me? Why. Why do you do this to me when I buy your books and secretly kind of like your kickiness and might paint my future house using your line of wall paints available at Home Depot and similar home improvement box stores?????????????????

This is the time in my life, internet, when I need to start figuring out the answers. This is the time in my life when I need to start understanding that, even though I think I’m following the recipe, I might end up with some things that taste like eggs. In the bad way. But also, maybe in the good way sometimes? Yeah? Could we possibly do that? Breakfast burritos I’m looking at you here?

Brown Butter Toffee Blondies
from Martha’s Cookies

1 1/4 cups unsalted butter, plus more for pan
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pan
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
2 cups packed light-brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
3 large eggs
2 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup chopped pecans, toasted (about 4 ounces)
1 cup toffee pieces (i made my own, no big deal, except it was a WASTE OF TIME)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 9-by-13-inch baking pan. Line bottom of pan with parchment paper; butter and flour parchment paper.

In a saucepan over medium heat, cook the butter until it turns golden brown; remove from heat, and let cool. Whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine browned butter and both sugars; stir with a wooden spoon until combined. Attach bowl to mixer; add eggs. Using the paddle attachment, beat on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add vanilla, and beat to combine. Add flour mixture, pecans, and toffee bits. Mix until thoroughly combined, and pour into prepared pan.

Bake until a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes (do not overbake). Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely before turning out of pan onto a cutting board. Peel off parchment paper; cut blondies into 3-inch squares. Blondies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature up to 3 days.
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Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

2 thoughts on “Blondies do NOT HAVE MORE FUN”

  1. Kirk Cameron! The other day we were talking about the Left Behind movies, and for the life of me I could not remember which formerly-normal-actor-turned-evangelical-nutjob starred in them.

    At least he doesn’t have that twitching disease like MJ Fox.

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