So I made a few cakes.

What kind of person makes her own birthday cake? Is that what you’re thinking? Well, whatever kind of person I am, that’s who. But let’s not stop there. I’m also the kind of person who: throws her own birthday party and bakes herself MULTIPLE cakes. And not even on her birthday! Like, a week before! Which is apparently bad luck!!!!

But hey! I have terrible luck anyway. Just throw it on top of the bad luck pile. You know what I did last night? I stepped on my round mirror and broke it. What is that, 7 years of bad luck? Well, broken mirror. There is a line. Please see your way to the back. I’ll be able to seat you when I’m 45-52 years old, by my current calculation.

Ha ha ha! Because I’m the unluckiest! And also, I was once told by a psychic that I’d be married at 26! MARRIED!! So HI FUTURE HUSBAND, you have now ONE WEEK TO PROPOSE. I DON’T WANT A DIAMOND RING ON ACCOUNT OF ALL THE BLOOD AND LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND TORTURED DIAMOND MINING CHILDREN, and also I would like for you to not DRIVE ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE TOGETHER. And also be warned I have FUN BAKING CAKES. For my self-thrown birthday parties. That occur a week and 2 days before my actual birthday.

So. Future husband, we should probably meet, like, today. Good thing I remembered to bring my deodorant to the gym with me this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<–do you see the kind of mood I am IN TODAY? FUTURE HUSBAND, THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN I CAN TELL)

But also this cake was THEMED. It was a chocolate-dipped strawberry cake. DO YOU GET IT? SHOULD I HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS? Because it was a strawberry cake with chocolate icing, and then strawberries in between the layers and chocolate-dipped strawberries on top to decorate, which I didn’t get a picture of because I was too busy EATING THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF THIS CAKE, because it was delicious. Future husband, I am A CATCH.

The strawberry cake batter is DOUGHY, y’all. But subtle! Which is why I heavy-handed the shit out of this particular theme. I erased any and all lovely subtlety of the batter with all the rest of the hoo-ha. That said, I think the bells and whistles are necessary, because who wants subtle cake on their birthday? I want to be smacked in the mouth with cake on my birthday. WHICH WASN’T THIS PAST WEEKEND. WHICH IS WHY I’LL NEVER HAVE GOOD LUCK EVER IN MY LIFE EVER BECAUSE I DISOBEY TRADITION. BECAUSE I’M A BAD PERSON AND ALSO I CURSE TOO MUCH.

But anyway. There THAT all is.

Strawberry Cake
from Sky High: Irresistible Triple Layer Cakes

[this is the recipe halved, which i then fit into 2 8″ rounds and then sliced into SUPER THIN layers, and i’m glad i did, on account of all the doughiness, I think these layers do better as itty bitty ones. also i’m fucking AWESOME at slicing cake layers and it makes me feel really accomplished, so, there’s that]

2 1/4 cups cake flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 1/2  teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 sticks (6 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup strawberry puree
4 egg whites
1/3 cup milk

Preheat the oven to 350F. Butter 2 8-inch round cake pans. Line with parchment or waxed paper and butter the paper.

Put the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt in a large mixer bowl. With the electric mixer on low speed, blend for 30 seconds. Add the butter and strawberry puree and mix to blend the ingredients. Raise the speed to medium and beat until light and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes; the batter will resemble strawberry ice cream at this point.

In another large bowl, whisk together the egg whites and milk to blend. Add the whites to the batter in two or three additions, scraping down the sides of the bowl well and mixing only to incorporate after each addition. Divide the batter between the prepared pans.

Bake the cakes for 25 to 35 minutes, or until a cake tester or wooden toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Allow the layers to cool in the pans for 10 to 15 minutes. Invert and turn out onto wire racks and peel off the paper liners. Let stand until completely cooled before assembling the cake, at least an hour.

Bittersweet Chocolate Frosting
from that there book I used for the strawberry cake

10 oz bittersweet chocolate
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 1/2 sticks butter (6 oz) (confession: I cut it down to 1 stick. HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) at room temperature

Melt the chocolate with the cream in a double boiler or a metal bowl set over a pan of simmering water. Whisk to blend well. Remove from the heat and let stand, whisking occasionally, until the chocolate cream sets up, or thickens to the consistency of mayonnaise.

Place the butter in a large mixer bowl and with an electric mixer on medium speed, whip the butter until light and fluffy. Add the chocolate cream and whip until lighter in color and somewhat stiff, about 3 minutes. Do not whip too long or the frosting may begin to separate.

MAKE THE CAKE:

Making the cake goes something like this: Freeze those strawberry layers and then hack them in half. Put a layer down. Spread some chocolate frosting on it. Put some sliced strawberries on top of that. Repeat. Top with the last layer. Cover with frosting. Dip some whole strawberries in melted chocolate. Decorate. Fucking CHOW IT DOWN.

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Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

2 thoughts on “So I made a few cakes.”

  1. You know, I only just realized this is the same cake I had for _my_ birthday, except totally incognito.

  2. Hey…making your own birthday cake is not as bad as handing your non-baking husband a recipe, standing over him, and micromanaging every step.

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