It has oatmeal in it.

Oh that excuse. No no. It’s good for me. It has oatmeal in it. WHERE did that come from? It’s like, yeah, I get it, oatmeal is good for your heart or whatever…when you eat it PLAIN. It’s like saying that an almond croissant is good for you because nuts are good for you and almonds are nuts! It’s like someone never bothered to take Logic 101 (which I did, incidentally, in college freshman year, and my professor looked like Matt Damon, no joke, I swear, there were like 90 people in that class and I guarantee 86 of them were girls, and 85 of those girls were in that class because every Monday and Wednesday at 8:30am our professor waltzed in in a bright colored shirt and a blazer [yes i remember what he wore] looking like Good Will Hunting and we all looked at each other like, BEST CLASS EVER, and the 4 dudes, math majors all, who had probably never been close to that many girls at once, looked around at the surrounding 86 girls and were like, BEST CLASS EVER, and, IT LOGICALLY FOLLOWS THAT: everybody wins when your professor looks like Matt Damon) and never learned that just because A is healthy, it doesn’t follow that A+B+C equals healthy if B and C are BUTTER AND CREAM.

But anyway, none of this really even MATTERS, because this cake isn’t billing itself as healthy cake like so many oatmeal products try to do. I fucking HATE IT when people use oatmeal as a cover for all the other egregious shit they have in there. Like, oh, this granola has OATS in it. Yeah and like 2 cups of oil and sugar and little else. Don’t play me like that. I’m not an idiot.

What I’m saying here is that this cake is just hands down delicious. Maybe the most amazing cake I’ve ever made. Did you hear that? That has nothing to do with oatmeal. This cake is so fantastic that it hurt to put the frosting on. It’s like when you see a really pretty girl and she has like 90 lbs of makeup on and all you want to do is grab her by the ear and spit on a tissue and be all just. sit. still. missy. and. let. me. wipe. this. OFF. And then when she’s like on her way to the grocery store in sweats and a ponytail you’re like, STOP, WAIT, LOOK AT YOURSELF, YOU’RE GORGEOUS, please put down the spackle brush.

Cause the icing is SWEE-HEET. I mean, it’s delicious, as most sweet things are. But the cake. It’s so good. It’s so good. And now it’s time for logic again, namely, if the cake is so good, and you like to eat things that are so good, and you should make things you like to eat, then you should make the cake. By the way I got an A in that class, thanks Matt Damon.

Irish Oatmeal Cake
from Moosewood Book of Desserts

2 cups all purpose fl0ur
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 1/4 tsp baking soda
1 cup rolled oats
3/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 large eggs
2 tsps vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups buttermilk

Butterscotch Frosting:
6 tbsps butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup powdered sugar
1 tsps vanilla extract
2 tbsp milk

Preheat oven to 350. Butter and flour two 9×2 pans. (a cautionary tale: I WOULD PUT PARCHMENT ON)

Sift together the flour, salt, baking powder, and baking soda. In a blender whirl the oats to the consistency of corn meal. Stir into the flour mixture and set aside.

With an electric mixer, cream the butter and brown sugar until light. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Combine the vanilla and buttermilk and add alternately with the flour mixture. Mix until well blended.

Pour the batter into the prepared pans and bake for about 30 minutes, until a knife inserted comes out clean. Cool in the pans for about 5 minutes and then turn out onto racks to cool completely.

For the frosting, melt the butter in the saucepan. Add the brown sugar and simmer on very low heat for at least 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. (Don’t cheat on the time–the longer it cooks the smoother the frosting.)

Transfer the butter-brown sugar mixture to a bowl. With an electric mixer, beat in the powdered sugar and vanilla. Add the milk a little at a time until the frosting is smooth and creamy. While the frosting is still warm, fill and frost the cake.

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Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

2 thoughts on “It has oatmeal in it.”

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