So I was standing in front of the butter fridge in Rainbow Grocery, and clearly I’m having a hard time finding what I need because I’ve been standing there for like 5 minutes at this point. Some guy behind me goes, having trouble choosing, huh? And I’m all, yeah, and this is just BUTTER. And he kinda chuckles like yeah I know what you mean lady, and then I see what I’m looking for and I hesitate a moment before I grab a package of “vegan butter” and, I don’t know why, but I get the feeling that I let that guy down. I walked away with my head down all I DON’T USUALLY DO THIS, like I was buying, I don’t know, herpes cream or something. But I mean it’s true, I don’t do this, and I so wish I had grabbed a big hunk of plugra or irish cream butter so I could look that guy in the eye and feel like, yes, I spent 5 minutes looking at the butter but it’s because I have good taste in butter and I was just being choosy. Because like that guy even CARES and, also, I am insane.
But as it was I left with my package of Earth Balance or some shit. And it was embarrassing and I don’t know WHY. I think it’s because I really have some subconscious THING about butter. I love it and I almost felt like I was cheating on it with whatever the shit is in Earth Balance. I don’t want it to think this was anything more than a one-time thing, a perverse curiosity. I don’t want it to think I’m not going to pay attention to it, and brown it, and mix it with fresh herbs, and clarify it, and spread it on fresh bread, and lick it off my fingers after greasing a pan.
Butter, tell me you know this. TELL ME. Anyway. Back to the vegan cookies I made. I’m making a big deal about this butter thing, I know. But you know something cool about these cookies? So, instead of eggs they use ground up flaxseeds blended with water. It’s COOL! You put them in a blender and liquefy the living shit out of them and then it transforms into a gelatinous fluid–not unlike an egg white. And though I don’t recommend TASTING the fluid, because oh god, it tastes like a public bus bench after 3 old men farted on it in quick succession, it’s a neat experiment. I like feeling like I’m creating things. I picture myself in a laboratory holding up vials of this flaxseed jelly stuff swirling it around under the light with goggles on, nodding to myself like, yes, this is precisely the reaction I was expecting. Don’t you?
Know what else is cool about these vegan cookies? You SO cannot tell they are vegan. YOU SO CAN’T and I dare you to try it. They’re chewy! And great! They taste great! Weeeeee!!!!!!!
Vegan Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
from I can’t remember where, I copied it down from a cookbook while I sat in Borders, please don’t sue me
2 tbsp ground flaxseed
6 tbsp water
1 cup non-hydrogenated nondairy butter
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
2 tsps vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup oat bran
3/4 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3 cups rolled oats
1 cup raisins
Preheat oven to 350. Lightly oil 3 cookie sheets (or line with parchment).
In a blender, whip together the flaxseed and water until thick & creamy. Cream together the butter, sugars, vanilla, and flaxseed mixture until well-blended. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, oat bran, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Add to the butter mixture & mix until well blended and smooth. Stir in the rolled oats and raisins until thoroughly combined.
Use a tbsp to scoop up some dough and with lightly greased hands press the cookies to form 1/2″ thick rounds. Bake until the cookies are golden brown, 12 to 15 minutes. Remove from the oven & allow the cookies to firm up a few minutes while still on the cookie sheet. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.
Yield: 3 1/2 dozen cookies