Are you one of those people who can’t get excited about banana bread? Well, stop being that person. That person is a crazy person. Because this banana bread is the f’in BEE’S KNEES, and everyone who has tried it so far has said it’s the best thing I’ve ever made. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY THINGS I HAVE MADE? How are you not convinced yet?
Look, here’s my friend Steph helping me halve the cherries. Halving and pitting cherries is not a big deal at all, so let me preemptively tell you to stop your lame whining. Just don’t wear a white shirt (story of my life. no really. the working title for my autobiography [which will never be written, don’t fret] is The Life and Times of a Girl Who Should Never For Any Occasion Have Worn That White Shirt, Especially Those Occasions Involving Spaghetti, Of Which There Were Many).
If a beautiful girl pitting beautiful cherries is not enough impetus for you to go make this bread, then I don’t know you. I mean, whatever, don’t make it. Live your stupid life not tasting the combination of bananas and chocolate and fresh cherries. While you’re at it, never look at any beautiful sunsets or lay on a blanket under the stars or wake up in a sleeping bag when the weather is just chilly enough to make the underside of your nose a little cold and it’s quiet out and you unzip the tent and it’s like 6am because you can’t sleep much past when the sun is out and there’s a little bit of mist and the ground is dewy and then you make a pot of tea over a small fire. Don’t do that, it’s dumb and not worth it and life is stupid and boring.
And never buy a pair of great fitting jeans. And never go out to pho with good company. And never take a walk at dusk to the ice cream parlor and then sit on a park bench and watch as the city transforms into millions of tiny lights and distant sounds.
And never spend a warm night on your deck with your family, eating roasted chicken and vegetables and drinking beer and watching fireflies. And never take a random road trip with a good friend, blasting embarrassing music and singing along wildly and putting the windows down and laughing about how bad your voices are. And never go out on the night of the first snow of the winter, crunching the fresh powder with your boots and throwing snowballs and tackling each other and watching the flakes as they sparkle in the street lights and then put some milk on the stove and boil it and make really creamy hot chocolate and your cheeks are pink and your toes are a little numb but you wore your wool socks and maybe there’s a fire waiting.
Just don’t ever do those things, and don’t ever make this bread. Ok?
Cherry Chocolate Chip Banana Bread
guess what bitches, I MADE IT UP (sorta)(by tweaking some standard banana bread guidelines)
3-ish ripe bananas, smashed mashed or smushed
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 stick butter (8 tbsp) at room temperature
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking spice (I know, you might not have this. You can combine cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg, whatever into a teaspoon and call it baking spice)
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks or flakes or whatever
1 1/2-ish (see this is the part where I just kinda put them in until I thought there were enough….so this is a guess…feel free to add more/less depending on your own delicate feelings) fresh cherries, pitted and chopped
Preheat the oven to 350.
In a large bowl, beat the sugar and maple syrup with the butter until creamy. Add the eggs and beat until incorporated. Add the vanilla and then the bananas and mix well.
In a small bowl whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, and spice.
Add the flour mixture to the butter-sugar mixture and mix to incorporate. Add the chocolate chips and cherries and mix until evenly distributed. Pour into a 9×5 bread pan or several baby bread pans or whatever. I don’t know, you figure it out.
Bake 45 minutes or until golden brown on top. Stick a knife in there to make sure it comes out clean, etc. You know the drill, right? You’ve made bread before.