Lite and Wrong Carrot Cake

Tell me, readers. Is it possible for me to do anything right? I’m starting to think maybe not. The other night I made chicken and dumplings with some leftover chicken. It was delicious, don’t get me wrong, but someone forgot to TURN THE STOVE OFF after she served herself and others and ended up with, 4 hours later, a very dehydrated looking lump of ass. Then there was today’s debacle, this carrot cake. Not only did I forget to line the pan with parchment paper, but I kinda royally screwed up the batter. To the tune of an entire cup of missing sugar.

carrot cake carrots

This wouldn’t really bother me so much if I was just making the cake for myself. God knows I’ve eaten all sorts of screwed up food that I made for myself. It’s not a big deal. But this cake is a birthday cake for one of my mom’s friends, who “loves carrot cake.” Balls.

carrot cake batter
the culprit

carrot cake pans
unknowingly unsweet

Thank god the frosting has almost a pound of powdered sugar in it. I’m hoping maybe that will mask the complete abomination that is the actual cake. If not, maybe I can just instruct everyone to lick the frosting off the cake and call it a night.

carrot cake icing

Frosting-only desserts are no stranger to me. In college, my friend Vanessa and I would go to this place, Claire’s, before every track meet to get 16oz cups full of their cream cheese frosting. It was our “night before” ritual, and we’d spend the rest of the night licking frosting off wooden coffee stirrers and either making mix cds or watching Alias. If licking frosting off this carrot cake is only slightly better than licking it off a wooden coffee stirrer, let’s call this one a success, shall we?

carrot cake done

And let’s step up our game here, Svoboda. It’s freaking amateur hour in this kitch.

Lite Carrot Cake
from Cooking Light? Probably.

1/2 cup chopped walnuts
2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (I used all-purpose)
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp ground cinnamon
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups sugar (not just 1/2 cup, friends)
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup canola oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 (20 oz) can crushed pineapple (drained with juice reserved)
2 cups grated carrots
1/4 cup flaked coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 9×13 baking dish (I used 2 9″ rounds).
Combine flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon in a medium bowl. Whisk eggs, sugar, buttermilk, oil, vanilla, and 1/4 cup reserved pineapple juice in a large bowl. Stir in pineapple, carrots, and coconut. Add dry ingredients and mix with a rubber spatula until just blended. Stir in nuts.
Scrape into pan. Bake until top springs back, approximately 40-45 minutes (mine took almost an hour).

Cream Cheese Frosting

12 oz cream cheese
1 stick (8 tbsp) unsalted butter, softened
1 lb confectioner’s sugar (I used only 3/4…not knowing yet about the missing sugar from the cake)
1 tsp vanilla
Juice of half a lemon (about 2 tbsp)

Cream together cream cheese and butter. Sift in sugar slowly. Stir in vanilla and lemon.

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Author: katboda

Hey, cram it.

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