I’d like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti

Last night my roommate and I took down an entire bottle of wine by ourselves. It wasn’t chianti, but it was goooooooooooood. I wrote out some Let’s Get Real email drafts that, thank god, I wasn’t drunk enough to send. God, writing email drafts while all wined-up. Playing with fire, that is. I woke up this morning and immediately grabbed my computer and prayed to sweet baby jesus that no sent messages were dated last night after 9pm. Hey, my sent box was clean! 2 months until I’m 28. Maybe I have finally learned my lesson about drinking and e-mailing. Count it!

So you know, this recipe is from weight watchers. That wasn’t on purpose really. I’m not like ON weight watchers or anything, not that that would be a BAD thing. But I think my roommate and I have the same stigma about it, because when she sent me this recipe she was all “WARNING: this is from weight watchers but that was an accident!” Basically the way we found it is we just listed off the things that we collectively had in our kitchen, and she searched for a recipe containing all of those things. Lo and behold, this is what came up. Turns out weight watchers has some pretty baller recipes up their sleeves. I KINDA knew that, but I am still so suspicious. I blame Ricki Lake.

I mean, maybe it was all the wine and girl talk and general good feelings, but I was digging this dinner like a really frenzied groundhog. Y’all should crack open a bottle of wine and get loose and eat lentils. Maybe shut your computer first though.

Dudes, sorry, I gotta cut this short. It’s a WARM SAN FRANCISCO NIGHT. We only get like 4 of these a year and I can’t waste one indoors. West coast, over & out.

Lentil, Fava Bean, and Feta Salad
from Weight Watchers (zomg rly)

1/2 cup (85g) fresh fava beans, shelled
2 cups drained cooked lentils
1 bunch of scallions, finely chopped
1 fresh green chile, finely chopped
6 oz (175g) feta cheese, cut into cubes
handful of fresh flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the dressing :

3 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
1 x 1in (2.5cm) piece fresh ginger, peeled and grated
pinch of sugar (optional)

Put the lentils in a serving bowl and season with a pinch of salt and some black pepper. Stir in the fava beans, scallions, and chile.
To make the dressing, combine the oil, vinegar, and ginger in a small bowl. Season with salt and pepper and a pinch of sugar (if using), and whisk until well blended. Drizzle over the salad and let stand for 10 minutes, to allow the flavors to develop
When ready to serve, stir in the feta and parsley.

Keep on keepin on

Well here I am. I told you I couldn’t quit you. I don’t want to make the gay cowboy joke, because I actually was really profoundly affected by that movie? I’m also physically incapable of not watching it when it comes on tv. I could have plans with like, the president, and as I’m walking out the door I’d hear that soundtrack (you know, that twangy guitar, like…der nener ner ner NER…..ner….de nerner.) and I’d have to call him up and be like “Listen, Mr President, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger love each other and they can’t ever be together!!!!!!!” I am pretty sure he would understand.

Anyway. These pictures are from my camera phone, because I left my big camera at home, because I was packed to the gills with clothes I haven’t been able to wear yet because they are normal person clothes and I currently live on the set of Kevin Costner’s Waterworld. San Francisco and I are really similar in that we don’t know how to take compliments. We need to prove the complimenter wrong when we receive one. I spent my entire week in New York being like, but I just LOVE San Francisco, it’s so LOVELY. And I come back and San Francisco is all, hey I heard you say I was lovely and I can’t handle that so I’m going to rain for 2 weeks and be super depressing about it and then won’t you feel stupid about saying how lovely I am!!!!!! Like when someone compliments me on my hair and I’m like, oh thanks, it’s disgusting because I didn’t brush it today or take a shower and I smell and I don’t give any money to charity. And the person is like, okaay, this person should not be spoken to.

The other night my friend R was visiting from Colorado. He brought over some beers and we were having a serious chat about our respective romantic situations (he: very much in love in a fully mature and functional relationship, me: what was the name of that dude I made out with in that bar a few weeks ago?????????) and I had just finished saying something very emotional-ish (in a too-much-beer-y sorta way), and when it was his turn to respond he tries to start out all serious. He’s like, well, you know, I think….and then he just looks at me and is like….I’m sorry, is there goat cheese in your hair?

Well. You know. There was. A big blob of it right at the crown. I went to the mirror and removed it and then we all had shock heart attacks over the fact that I’m still single.

Also what I wanted to talk about is the degree of my hatred of grating carrots. I compiled a short list of the things I’d rather do with carrots than grate them:

1) Take them to the dentist with me and request no novocaine and allow them to be poked into my open nerve endings as I get a cavity filled.
2) Allow them to speak to me earnestly for over 2 hours about 1. religion 2. politics 3. having babies. And I’m not allowed to interrupt or be snarky.
3) Cut them into the thinnest slices possible and then slice those slices into matchsticks and then chop the matchsticks until they are grated-carrot size (which is what I did for this recipe).

If you decide to make it, you should probably just grate the carrot. But then, you are probably a significantly less insufferable person than I am. I mean, I hope. For your sake.

Oh yeah I made this recipe up based on something I saw in the grocery store but did not want to pay $5.99 for. I think my version is probably inferior, but that’s because I have low self esteem.

Curried Quinoa Salad

1 cup quinoa, rinsed
2 cups water
2 stalks celery, chopped fine
3 green onions, chopped fine
small handful of raisins, currants, or golden raisins (or ALL 3, which i recommend for realios)
small handful toasted walnut pieces
half a bunch of parsley, chopped
1 carrot, grated
1/2 cup peas (i use frozen)
1 tbsp soy sauce
1/2 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp turmeric

Boil the quinoa and water, then reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer 10-15 minutes. With 2 minutes to go, throw in the peas and the raisins/currants. After the quinoa is cooked, add the soy sauce and spices and stir. Stir in the celery, onions, walnuts, parsley, and carrots. Eat!

The State of the Blog

I’m going through a crisis, internet. Not like a I’m-so-embarrassing-and-or-hopeless-I-hate-my-job-I’m-so-poor-who-am-I kind of crisis. More specifically, I am struggling with the state of this blog. There are several issues at hand. Let me give you the run-down and maybe we can come to some sort of solution, like when the president says “let’s fix education!” and then everyone says yeah! let’s fix education! and we all pay more taxes and raise teachers’ salaries and find some sort of system that works…

Or at least I can, you know, talk about it. Complain, as it were. As is my way.

1) I’m just not really baking a lot anymore. This is related to 2 sub-issues.

a) I’m not jazzed about the things I’ve been putting into my body (heyyyyyyyyyyyy if that doesn’t set you up for a that’s what she said, NOTHING does). I know it’s not like, a dire situation. But baking really worked for me when I was living at home with parents and siblings to eat the wares, or when I was in a relationship with a man skinnier than I who, quite frankly, needed to eat a few pies. My roommates are worthless. They are girls! They eat like 2 bites and claim to have helped me get rid of it, and then 3/4 of it is in my stomach. Y’all, I am trying to keep myself normal-sized. I CAN’T DO IT WHEN I AM BAKING DELICIOUS THINGS AND NO ONE IS EATING THEM BUT ME.

b) I don’t have a lot of time. I’ve got this new job, and I’ve been traveling, and all my kitchen stuff is in a box somewhere on some Amtrak train and I have no idea when I’ll get it back, if ever. (Don’t get me started on THAT particular topic, AMTRAK)

2) I don’t wanna give up on the blog, but I don’t wanna put out consistently shitty product. You know? I’m not a cook. This isn’t a cooking blog. I don’t want to have a blog about the weird vegetables I eat. It should be about bread and muffins and scones and shit. But it’s not, because I’m not BAKING those things. Because I hate myself, you know? Like, let a lady not eat carbs for a while. A lady’s body needs a BREAK.

So I don’t know. I know I’ve been erratically updating, and when I do it’s mostly me telling some dumb story that the internet might be better off without. Lately THAT hasn’t even been happening, because I have been going to bed at like 9:30. It’s just one of those CYCLES, where I’m trying to not act like I’m 18. You feel me?

I DO have some exciting things in the works later this spring. Like, really legitimately exciting baking-related stuff. Involving pies maybe I DON’T KNOW IT’S A SECRET. So it might be quiet for a little while. I feel like I’m writing this type of post every few months, which is why I’m kinda feeling like this blog is running its course. But, is it? I can’t quit it! I just can’t!!! How else will I release some of my insane life tension? How????

What are your thoughts, reader?

Also, here’s some veggies.

Spring Onions, Apples, and Brussel Sprouts

2 spring onions (or green onions)
2 cups brussel sprouts, halved
1 clove garlic, chopped
1 small apple
1/4 cup white wine
1 tsp honey
salt and pepper

Saute the onions in olive oil on medium high heat for 3ish minutes. Add the garlic and apples, saute until apples are slightly soft. Add white wine, stir and allow it cook off mostly. Add the honey and mix to incorporate. Add brussel sprouts curvy side down. Cover and allow to steam several minutes. Turn brussel sprouts over and cook until soft but still a bit crunchy. Salt and pepper to taste.

piiii

Y’all, im sitting in orientation for my new job but i wanted everyone to know that YES I KNOW ITS PI DAY NO I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN NO I DINT HAVW MY PIE DISH WIRH ME but I’ma see what I can do. Pie out.

Too urgent to correct spelling.

Boomerang

Ready for a protracted metaphor? Ahem. Life, my beautiful friends, is like a boomerang. No, wait, it’s like a really good rubber band. (btb-the other day I was walking with my parents and my mom stopped abruptly to pick something up…turns out it was a rubber band. “a really good one!” she proclaimed. my dad rolled his eyes, but i was like, wow that IS a good one mom!!! so, turns out i’m exactly like my mother.) You can stretch it out to the limits but eventually you end up back where you started. But maybe a little different, like when you stretch a rubber band and it gets those lines on it. No, god, this is making me think of stretch marks. Ew, pregnant ladies. Ew, children, stability, picket fences, AAAAGGGH. Aborting metaphor. (<—inappropriate use of the word abort?)

Um, what? Was I saying? Oh yeah, my life is some sort of boomerang rubber band hybrid metaphor. Both in that I am apparently exactly like my mother and in that I just keep ending up where I just left off. Like that time I put all my stuff on an eastbound Amtrak and bid farewell to the city I loved only to get a great job opportunity 2 days later and decide to return.

That time, being, incidentally, the current time, like, you know, now-skees. Ahora. Meaning I am moving back to the bay area. In approximately a few days, and only for a few months-ish, maybe?, because, GET THIS (wink wink nudge nudge to the universe here, AWESOME SENSE OF HUMOR my friend): I ALSO got into grad school……on the east coast. Until someone gets the specifics of teleportation worked out (SCIENCE), that means I am playing emotional tug-of-war with San Francisco and New York City for the next few months. WHO WILL WIN????

Anyway, because this blog is allegedly about baking (and cooking, of late), I should put some more emphasis on the kitch. Kat re: Kat is another blog, subtitled, hey, nobody gives a shit!

This is one of those recipes that isn’t the most amazing thing ever because it doesn’t contain: butter, salt, sugar, chocolate, meat, or….like anything delicious really. But it is HEALTHY. Holy fuck is this thing healthy. It contains, by rough approximation, all the spinach in the universe. It’s one of those recipes where you add the physical limitation of spinach, and you think, there ain’t no way I’m going to need more spinach. But then it cooks down to a dime-sized amount and you once again add all the spinach that the wok can contain. And then THAT cooks down and you now have, like, a dollar coin at best (ps-do you know they are making dollar coins other than the sacagawea now? like other old men about whom i care not? like there aren’t enough old fucking old ass men on our coins. we couldn’t have thought of ANY other ladies? i’m going to take my yoga mat and my tofu dinner and my unshaved armpits the hell OUT of this womancoin-less country) and so you repeat this process 3 or 4 times until a reasonable amount of spinach is represented in your dish. It’s THAT kind of recipe. But you should still totally totally make it!

I don’t know, guys! GUYS! I SOUND CRAZY TODAY! I just don’t know if I’ll ever settle down. Except last night I saw a concert and the opening band had the cutest be-hatted, be-bearded, be-plaided keyboardist. Listen, unnamed beardman, I would most likely do anything for you. If you want me to settle down, I will! I’ll stop this boomeranging nonsense and raise plaid children with you!!!! Ok, internet love letter sent, time to eat all the spinach that exists. Over & out!

Tofu Spinach Pot
from Eat to Live

1 lb firm tofu, cubed
1 (10-oz) box frozen spinach (or a million handfuls of fresh spinach
3 green onions, chopped (optional)
3 tomatoes, chopped
2 tbsp lemon juice
1/8 tsp cayenne
1/8 tsp onion powder
1/2 cup vegetable broth

The recipe doesn’t say this, but I like to dry-wok the tofu before stewing everything together. It browns it a bit and evaporates some of the liquid. I also threw the spices in there hoping they’d get absorbed into the tofu a bit. I do not know if this made any difference at all. Essentially you just saute this all together and try to be enthusiastic?

I choo choo choose couscous.

Well hey! I made it back from Montana, slightly begrudgingly. But you know, players gotta play, or something.

Hey have you ever woken up on a train to find a drunk man spooning you? No? Let me tell you what it’s like. You wake up and you turn around and a drunk man’s face is in your face. He starts complaining about the lack of pillows and not haven’t anything to lean on, and you are at this point at the edge of your seat fiddling with your phone. You know as soon as you lie down he will lie down on you. So, you don’t lie down. You don’t ever lie down. You sit and you fiddle and you wish the time to pass. THEN, drunk man gets impatient. He wants someone to lean on. So he asks you, Hey, can’t you sleep? You say, no, I can’t. Then this conversation transpires:

Drunk man: Hey can I lean on you?
Me: (gathering all my strength) Actually that makes me a little bit uncomfortable? (nice work Kat. really strong words)
Drunk man: (putting his face RIGHT IN MY FACE) I ain’t gonna hurt you, baby
Me: (internally) AAAH! AAAAH!! AAAAHHHH!!

NEEDLESS TO SAY I DID NOT SLEEP ON MY TRAIN RIDE BACK. Drunk man thankfully left me alone after my super stand-up-for-myself response. Who says I am not brave? I sure told HIM.

BUT before the drunk man spooning and the getting stuck in Montana and the hitchhiking and the like, I made this salad to take with me on the train. Mostly it was because I had bought a bunch of beautiful peppers on my last trip to the SF Ferry Building farmer’s market and I needed to use them. I roasted em up and tried to clear out a bunch of stuff on my shelf before I shipped out. As far as odds-and-ends salads go, this one was pretttttty baller.

Except then I got to the station and realized I forgot a spoon. So I made one out of a brochure. A lot of people looked at me strangely. But compared to the ridiculous behavior I witnessed on the train, my brochure-spoon was pretty tame. (One guy, on his way to Reno, was drinking whiskey from a 1/2 gallon bottle like it was water and we were in a desert)

Now I’m off to Key West with my besties. Life is pretty ok. TTYL suckers.

Starlight Express couscous salad
a very complicated original

1 cup cooked couscous (i used whole wheat!)
1 cup chopped roasted peppers
1/3 cup golden raisins
1 15oz can chickpeas, drained
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cumin
salt & pepper to taste
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp oil

MIX THEM ALL TOGETHER.