Health Week.

Heeeey y’all. It’s self-imposed health week here at Kat in the Kitch. Well, self- and roommate-imposed. Apparently I have been BAKING too much and those around me think it’s some sort of devious PLAN to make everyone FAT. I mean, it’s not like I don’t gorge on my own creations as well. I’m not sitting in the corner, rubbing my hands together whispering, “yes….that’s right….you eat that muffin. gobble it up! hahahaha. haaaaaaahahahaha. haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!”

Regardless! Here we are, we’re eating healthy, which doesn’t mean we’re not eating well. Quite the contrary, my friends. This here recipe was such a hit in the apartment that we made it twice! In a row! How often do you make a complicated 6-ish-step dinner twice in a row? Hardly ever, right? Well, this one was worth it. All of the roasting and the yogurt straining and multiple onion slicing and the different pans and the hell of a clean-up: all worth it.

It’s one of those dishes you take a bite of and you go “!!!interesting flavors!” but like in the positive way, not in the way you’d say it if you couldn’t think of anything else nice to say about what you were eating. This is the, wow, I never would’ve put all these flavors together but, hot damn, this is fantastic! So put down the ice cream spoon for like a hot second (if you live in San Francisco, i don’t need to sell you on THAT one, ain’t nobody eating ice cream here on account of the entire bay area being stuck in a sort of cold-fog-wind death spiral) and like…nourish yourself. Or something. I don’t know, this feels weird. Should I say something about other types of indulgences to even this out? Because if you need me to tell you I spent 3 hours the other day researching everything I could about Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights, I will.

Beautiful Bulghur and Spinach Pilaf with Labneh and Chili Roast Tomatoes
from 101 Cookbooks (which is my healthy yet interesting eating MECCA, seriously)

Heidi’s tip: consider making more of everything while you are at it. I used cherry tomatoes (all different shades of red, orange, and yellow) and roasted up a whole pan of them while I was at it. Same goes for the onions. Katrina’s comments: I like, so agree.

1 onion, finely chopped
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 garlic cloves
6 ounces bulgar wheat
1 1/4 cups (10 fluid ounces) vegetable or chicken stock
salt and pepper
10 1/2 ounces spinach
leaves torn from a small bunch of mint, torn
extra-virgin olive oil

For the labneh:
1 1/8 cups (9 fluid ounces Greek yogurt)
1 fat garlic clove, crushed
pinch of salt

For the tomatoes:
12 plum tomatoes
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 – 1 1/2 teaspoon harissa
2 teaspoons soft dark-brown sugar

For the onions:
2 onions, very finely sliced
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoon soft brown sugar
juice of 1/2 small lemon

You have to start the labneh the day or night before. Just line a sieve with a bit of cheesecloth and set it over a small bowl. Put the yogurt into the cheesecloth and refrigerate the while thing. The yogurt will lose a bit of excess moisture over the next 24 hours, leaving you with a firmer mixture, a bit like cream cheese. Help it by giving it a squeeze once or twice. Tumble the yogurt into a bowl. Add the garlic, a little salt and mash it all together. Cover and put the labneh into the refrigerator until you need it.  (Ok, so I totally cheated here. I got a pretty porous piece of white fabric, put the yogurt in, squeezed it a few times and let it sit in the fridge while i did everything else–it worked great, and i feel like you can also just get away with using regular old greek yogurt and you won’t be disappointed or anything)

Halve the tomatoes lengthwise and put them in a small roasting pan or oven proof dish. Mix together the olive oil, balsamic vinegar, harissa, some salt and pepper, and pour this over the tomatoes. Turn them over, making sure they get coated, ending with them cut-side up. Sprinkle the soft brown sugar over the top and put in an oven pre-heated to 350F degrees. Cook for 40-45 minutes (hs note: less time if you use smaller cherry tomatoes), until the tomatoes are shrunken and sweet. they can either be hot or at room temperature when you add them to the pilaf, so you could do this part in advance.

For the pilaf, saute the chopped onion in half the olive oil in a fairly heavy-bottomed saucepan. When the onion is soft and translucent add the garlic and cook for another couple of minutes. Tip the bulgar wheat (or alternately couscous – see headnote) into the pan (on top of the onions you just sauteed), pour in the stock, and season. Bring to a boil, then turn down the heat and let the bulgar simmer in the stock for about 15 minutes. All the stock will have been absorbed by then. Cover the pot and let the bulgar sit to fluff up for another 10 minutes.

Take the stalks off the spinach and wash the leaves well. In a covered pot, cook the leaves in just the water that clings to them after washing. they will wilt in about 4 minutes. Squeeze out the excess moisture and chop the leaves very roughly. Saute the spinach for a few minutes in the remaining olive oil and season it well with salt and pepper. Stir this into the bulgar wheat.

Quickly cook the finely sliced onions in very hot olive oil – you want them golden brown with some crispy bits. For the last minute of cooking time, add the cinnamon and brown sugar. Stir this around and, once the sugar has melted and begun to slightly caramelize, add a good squeeze of lemon juice and some salt and pepper.

Layer the different components in a broad, shallow bowl: tip in the bulgar wheat, sprinkle on half the mint, then the tomatoes, then the rest of the mint. Break the labneh into lumps and scatter them over the tomatoes. Now strew the onions on top, drizzle with a slug of extra-virgin olive oil, and serve.

Serves 4 to 8 (main / side).

The Chewy

This is the 3rd chocolate chip cookie recipe I am posting on this blog, and you’ll be sad to hear it’s my least favorite. I’m sad to write it. Because it’s from Alton Brown, and I LIKE him. I’ve said that before, what with him being wacky and all. But it’s an important lesson to learn: just because you like somebody, that doesn’t mean you have to like their cookie recipe.

I don’t know, though. He has, like, SCIENCE on his side. He’s always citing it and shit. That’s intimidating! I mostly side with science, except when science gets all “studies show this acne medication totally works, at least all the studies funded by the pharmaceutical company that owns said acne medication company” on me, which I guess disqualifies it from being Science anyway, even though everyone was probably wearing lab coats.

Do you want to hear my issues with the cookies though? Of course you do. These taste like those soft-baked cookies you buy in the store. Chips Ahoy or some shit. These ones. They are a really really good approximation of from-scratch no-preservatives-or-weird-ingredients soft-baked cookies. But you know what? Soft-baked cookies are like, totally not all the way awesome. Soft-baked cookies are getting a killer haircut but then someone not noticing (and you really hoped they would). Soft baked cookies are when you’ve been hiking in the sun and you’re super thirsty and you have a whole waterbottle full of water but it’s kind of lukewarm from the heat. Soft baked cookies are sitting on a nice grassy knoll reading a book but then you get up and your legs are all fuckin itchy.

So like, yeah, these are awesome soft baked cookies, if that is your thing. Personally, I like my cookies like I like my men: not a selfish prick all the god damned time. Hiyo! Didn’t see that one coming, did you? Ok, alright, if you prefer, which you probably do…insert sentence about not liking things that are soft that creates the perfect situation for: that’s what she said. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

The Chewy
from Alton Brown

2 sticks unsalted butter
2¼ cups bread flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
¼ cup sugar
1¼ cups brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons milk
1½ teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips

Hardware:
Ice cream scooper (#20 disher, to be exact)
Parchment paper
Baking sheets
Mixer

Heat oven to 375F.

Melt the butter in a heavy-bottom medium saucepan over low heat. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda and set aside.

Pour the melted butter in the mixer’s work bowl. Add the sugar and brown sugar. Cream the butter and sugars on medium speed. Add the egg, yolk, 2 tablespoons milk and vanilla extract and mix until well combined. Slowly incorporate the flour mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in the chocolate chips.

Chill the dough, then scoop onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet. Bake for 14 minutes or until golden brown, checking the cookies after 5 minutes. Rotate the baking sheet for even browning. Cool completely and store in an airtight container.

Scrappy pie

Ever roll out a pie crust and realize you have like…half a pie worth of scraps? That happens to me almost every time. I’m not sure if it’s because I roll my crusts really thin or if the recipe is just super generous in case of screw ups? Regardless, there are just many occasions when I am standing in front of a substantial amount of pie dough scrap. I AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT that on more than one occasion I have scarfed the shit out of those scraps. Literally, desperate shoving of raw pie dough into my pie hole.

And yet, this time, I exhibited a modicum of self control. Because hi, we’ve talked about this. Supposedly I am on the cusp of figuring-shit-out (allegedly!!), and I think part of that is learning how to control myself in the presence of raw pie dough. So anyway, I had this brilliant idea to just make a quick free-form rustic pie. And then I spied an apple that was like 2 minutes from the border of Mealytown. And I had all this extra caramel lying around from the bread pudding. And so, what the hay, let’s throw them all together, right?

I don’t know, it wasn’t the best rustic pie that’s ever been made. I certainly could’ve tossed the apple slices with some cinnamon or sugar or whatever, and on top of that it was a Fuji apple, which is NOT a baking apple my friends, so the texture and flavor didn’t exactly make me cream my jeans. But you know? It’s several steps up from me standing at the counter eating raw pie dough. So, baby steps toward being a legitimate human being. Baby steps.

Scrapple Pie
this is not even a real recipe

1 apple, peeled cored and sliced
scraps of pie dough
something sweet, like extra caramel, or a few tbsps of sugar
possibly some cinnamon, i don’t even know, maybe you don’t dig cinnamon really

Preheat the oven to 350. Toss the apples with the sugar and cinnamon if that’s the route you’re taking. Roll out the dough. Spread the apple slices around in some random or meaningful manner, whichever you prefer. If you’re using caramel, this is where I put it on. Cinch up the sides so that they make a little bit of a border. Cook it for like…40 minutes in the oven? Until crust is kinda golden? Top with more caramel because it look gooood.

BeinYAYs

Oh I’m sorry, have you never fried dough before? Have you never made something with the word “YAY” already included in the name? Because let me tell you, it’s a pretty fucking good indication of your feelings after eating these beignets. Dipped in thick, luscious apricot-flavored chocolate sauce. Dusted generously with powdered sugar. Warm, fresh from the frying pan.

I made these (again at the request of my roommate, she is an ENABLER) for the first meeting of my book club–which was southern-food-themed to match the setting of the book, weeeeeee! Don’t give me that Ok Old Maid look. Yes I’m in a book club. Yes I love it. You know what else I am a member of? A crafting club. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I bird watch. Earnestly. And I do the crossword, almost every day. What?? SOMETHING has to balance out the Friday night keg-stand-dismount-directly-into-bad-life-decisions. The greatest part about being 27 is that you can act 45 and 17 at the same time, and both of them sorta fit. I know 27 year olds who still don’t pay their own credit card bills. I also know 27 year olds who are married and have KIDS. So, you know, there is a whole fucking spectrum of wiggle room in there, and I like to spread myself all the way across it. It feels good to stretch out, finally, fuck my legs were killing me.

So you know, once I’m done with all the casual sex (hi parents! just kidding!!!!) and the beer pong and the not saving for my 401k and the laughing at penis and fart jokes, I sew and bake muffins and identify different species of warblers and ask questions like “how do you feel about the author’s style as it relates to the subject matter?”

And I make beignets for themed book club meetings. And then later, I look at porn on the internet.  !!!!!

Brandied Apricot Beignets with Chocolate Dipping Sauce
from bon appetit

Sauce
3/4 cup heavy whipping cream
1 tablespoon brandy
1 tablespoon honey
10 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped

Beignets
1/2 cup chopped dried apricots
3 tablespoons plus 1/2 cup water
3 tablespoon sugar
3 tablespoons brandy
1/2 cup whole milk
6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup all purpose flour
4 large eggs
Vegetable oil (for frying)
Powdered sugar

Sauce: Bring first 3 just to boil in medium saucepan. Remove from heat; add chocolate. Let stand 30 seconds. Whisk until smooth. DO AHEAD Can be made 4 days ahead. Cover; chill.

Beignets: Bring apricots, 3 tablespoons water, 3 tablespoons sugar, and brandy to boil in medium saucepan, stirring until sugar dissolves. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer 2 minutes. Remove from heat. Steep, covered, 30 minutes. Drain; reserve apricots and syrup.

Bring 1/2 cup water, milk, butter, and salt to boil in large saucepan over high heat, stirring until butter melts. Remove from heat. Add flour; stir briskly until dough gathers into ball. Place pan over medium heat; stir constantly until film forms on pan bottom, about 2 minutes. Cool 5 minutes. Using electric mixer, beat in eggs 1 at a time. Beat in apricots. DO AHEAD Can be made 4 hours ahead. Cover; let stand at room temperature.

Preheat oven to 200°F. Line large rimmed baking sheet with paper towels. Pour oil into large deep saucepan to depth of 1 1/2 inches. Attach deep-fry thermometer to side of pan; heat oil to 330°F to 340°F. Working in batches of 5 or 6, drop dough by rounded teaspoonfuls into hot oil. Cook beignets until golden brown, adjusting heat to maintain temperature and turning after 2 or 3 minutes, about 5 minutes Total. Using slotted spoon, transfer beignets to sheet. Place in oven to keep warm.

Rewarm chocolate sauce over low heat. Mix in reserved apricot syrup.

Sift powdered sugar over beignets. Divide among plates. Serve with warm chocolate sauce.

Buttermilked

I drink buttermilk straight, a lot. This is not the craziest thing ever!!!!!!, but it certainly raises more than a few eyebrows. I can’t help it. It might have something to do with being of scandinavian descent, but jesus christ, I go apeshit for all things dairy. I can’t explain it in a way that will make sense to any human being for whom a piece of cheesecake doesn’t bring more pleasure than just about anything. Add to that the fact that I’m in this sorta voracious stage of life right now where I want everything no matter if it’s good for me or not, and I want it now, and of course most of it’s not good for me, but I kinda don’t give a shit? All breathing in, no breathing out. This is where I’m AT. And I’m ENJOYING IT IMMENSELY.

So I was completely desperate to make this pie. This pie. This pie. This PIE. This is my new favorite pie. Did you hear that? Because that is a HUGE statement coming from me. HUGE. MASSIVE. GARGANTUAN. Because I. LOVE. PIE. Various pies have been jostling for the #1 position in my heart for YEARS. Strawberry Rhubarb is almost always the winner, but I love a good key lime, apple-cranberry, and of course peach-raspberry pie. But then came buttermilk pie, OUT OF NOWHERE. And it demolished all the fruit ones! It wins. This pie is amazing, and you’d be a fool to not make it. You don’t want to be a fool, do you reader?

Make it and then eat it cold, for breakfast, with currants. Seriously do this. It’s not a looker,  but everyone needs to eat some humble pie every now and then. Not that I’m going to NAME ANY NAMES or anything.

Buttermilk Pie
from Half & Half Cafe (with thanks to Maddy for sending the recipe to me)

6 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs, separated, at room temperature
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon lemon juice, more to taste
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
generous pinch salt
1 cup buttermilk, room temperature
1 9-inch pre-baked pie shell

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Take the time to get your ingredients to room temperature.

2. In a bowl, using a whisk or electric mixer, mix butter and sugar until smooth and well blended. Add egg yolks and continue to mix. Mix in flour, lemon juice, nutmeg, and salt. Add buttermilk in a thin stream until just blended. Set aside.

3. In another bowl, whisk egg whites until they form soft peaks (when you pull the whisk up through the whites, they should hold some of their shape).

4. Gently fold egg white mixture into buttermilk mixture, by hand, until just combined. Mixture will be somewhat lumpy.

5. Pour filling into pie shell. Bake in middle of oven until pie is the palest shade of brown and the filling is mostly firm, except for a bit of jiggle in the center, 45 to 50 minutes. If edge of crust browns too quickly, cover with foil.

6. Cool on a rack.  Serve warm or chilled, with fresh berries.

Yield: 6 to 8 servings.

Web Exclusive: Rosenberg’s Blind Baking Tips

Custard pies always benefit from a blind baking home-made crust; your pie crust gets a head-start on cooking and develops a toothsome, rather than gummy integrity that contrasts well with the custard filling.

Step 1. Roll your pie dough out to somewhere between a 1/8 and 1/4″ thickness and transfer to a pie plate. I like to roll the edge of the dough underneath itself before fluting to give the ends a little more thickness. Refrigerate the formed pie shell for at least an hour, up to overnight.

Step 2. Preheat oven to 400. Spread a sheet of parchment paper or aluminum foil over the chilled dough so that it hangs a couple inches off of the sides of the pan. Pour in your beans or rice or pie weights, and bake the pie for 10 minutes. This weight gives the dough the structure it needs for baking, otherwise the sides would collapse.

Step 3. After 10 minutes, remove the pie from the oven and carefully remove the parchment or foil and all of the weights. Prick a few holes in the bottom of the crust with a fork and return to the oven (without weights) for another 3-5 minutes, until very lightly browned. Let cool. Pie crust can be made several hours ahead or even the day before.

Bread puddblurgh.

Ehhhh, I was on such a roll, and I fucked it up. I was all, BLAM, 4 layer cake, BLAM, 4 layer cake, BLAM, other stuff I made that I didn’t even post here because I didn’t take any pictures of it but was also good. And then, BLURGGGH, I fucked up a long and complicated (only because I made my own dulce de leche) recipe that should’ve resulted in the most delicious bread pudding ever. Instead it was overcooked and tough and chewy and not the words that should be associated with delicious bread pudding.

But YOU won’t fuck it up, will you, reader? That’s why I’m giving it to you. Because the potential is there. Even with all the up-fucking, it was incredibly good. So good that my roommates and I all stood around it wishing so hard that I hadn’t overcooked it. Because we knew! We knew it’d have been the best! Ever!

So, god damn it, why didn’t I just put it in a smaller pan? Why didn’t I cook it less than the recipe indicated? Why didn’t I check it earlier? These were the questions plaguing me the next morning as I did my workout on the elliptical machine at the Y. These questions, and: Why is the guy next to me the worst smelling human being on the face of the planet? Huh, science?

Dulce De Leche and Chocolate Chunk Bread Pudding
from bon appetit, suggested to me by my roommate

Ingredients
8 1/2-inch-thick slices egg bread (about 4 x 5 inches), crusts trimmed, cut into 3/4- to 1-inch cubes
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted, divided
2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
1 cup purchased dulce de leche ice cream topping or butterscotch-caramel sauce plus more for serving
4 large eggs
2 large egg yolks
2 tablespoons dark rum
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Pinch of salt
1/2 cup (about 3 ounces) bittersweet chocolate chips
2 tablespoons sugar
Powdered sugar

Preheat oven to 350°F. Place bread in large bowl. Drizzle with 3 tablespoons melted butter; toss. Transfer to rimmed baking sheet. Bake until bread begins to color, stirring occasionally, about 12 minutes. Cool. Brush 11x7x2-inch glass baking dish with 1 tablespoon melted butter.

Stir whipping cream and 1 cup dulce de leche in medium saucepan over medium heat until blended and bubbling. Remove from heat. Whisk eggs and yolks in large bowl. Add rum, vanilla, and salt; gradually whisk in warm dulce de leche mixture. Stir in bread cubes. Let soak 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Mix chocolate chips into custard mixture. Pour into prepared dish. Sprinkle with 2 tablespoons sugar. Bake pudding until puffed and set in center, about 35 minutes. Let cool 15 minutes. Dust with powdered sugar. Serve warm, passing more dulce de leche topping alongside.

Outdoing myself

So I went a little crazy when tasked with making my roommate a birthday cake. I had a moment where I was on the couch, surrounded by no less than 5 cookbooks, writing down what I could pair with what, which cake would complement which frosting, when I was just like…well, I’m officially insane cake lady.

Which, on the one hand, is much better than being, say, crazy CAT lady. But on the other hand, it’s much worse than being, say, a normal human being. Anyway, I finally frankensteined together an idea: 2 layers of deliciously rummy banana cake, 2 layers of dark devil’s food chocolate cake, caramel buttercream, and fresh banana slices in between each layer.

Then after making it I immediately started fretting. I was bringing this cake to a dinner party, so the pressure was on. I fucked up my swiss meringue buttercream a little bit because I was pulling from 2 recipes that said very different things about how long I needed to whip the egg whites. So instead of sticking to one I split the difference and I stressed out a lot about it afterward, because I think the whole frosting just didn’t volumize as well as it should’ve, which meant I ended up with less frosting than I needed. So I skimped. I spread that buttercream so thin you could see through it. It was lingerie frosting.

But I crossed my fingers and then added a whole bunch of hoo-ha to the outside in hopes that the decorative tomfoolery would distract from any sort of frosting or taste deficiency. Well. First of all: there was no deficiency. I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy an over-frosted cake anyway, and this frosting was but.ter.y. so a little bit went a long way. Second of all: no tomfoolery was needed. This cake was wonderful. Moist and surprisingly light because of the bananas. Chocolately and banana-y and the caramel in the buttercream was subtle yet sweet.

But you know, piping stars out of melted chocolate and butterscotch didn’t HURT. It certainly gave me something to do for a few hours on Saturday afternoon. Which is the scene one of my roommates walked into when she got home from, you know, doing what normal human beings do on Saturday afternoons. She finds me holed up in the kitchen with 2 bags of melted substance, piping like a madwoman, chocolate all over my face, the kitchen a disaster, and I look up at her all, I don’t know what happened! After surveying the situation she said simply, “well, you’ve gone completely crazy I see,” and then left the area. Wise girl, that one is.

Banana-Chocolate Cake with Caramel Swiss Meringue Buttercream
adapted from Baking From My Home to Yours, the Joy of Cooking, and I don’t even remember

For the Banana Cake (Dorie’s Lots of Ways Banana Cake)–I halved this to make 1 cake, which I then sliced into 2 layers

2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 ¼ teaspoons baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1 ½ sticks (12 tablespoons) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup (packed) light brown sugar (or granulated sugar)
¾ cup sugar
2 large eggs, preferably at room temperature
1 ½ teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 tablespoons dark rum or Malibu coconut rum (optional) **I used rum, I recommend it, and I rarely recommend alcohol in desserts.
About 4 very ripe bananas, mashed (you should have 1 ½ – 1 ¾ cups)
½ cup canned unsweetened coconut milk, regular (stir well before measuring) or “lite” (or whole milk, buttermilk, sour cream, or plain yogurt)  **I used buttermilk
1 cup sweetened shredded coconut, preferably toasted (or an equal amount of moist, plump dried fruit, such as currants, raisings, chopped apricots, cranberries, blueberries, or halved cherries, or a combination of coconut and dried fruit) **I used unsweetened coconut but I splurted a little corn syrup on top of it to make sure it was moist enough. It was.

Getting Ready: Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter two 9×2-inch round cake pans, dust the insides with flour and tap out the excess. Put the pans on a baking sheet.

Whisk the flour, baking soda, salt and nutmeg together. Working with a stand mixer, preferably fitted with a paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter until creamy. Add the sugars and beat at medium speed for a couple of minutes, then add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition, followed by the vanilla and rum. You’ll have a beautiful satiny batter. Now lower the speed and add the bananas-the batter will curdle, but that’s fine; it will come together as you add the remaining ingredients. Still on low speed, add the dry and liquid ingredients alternately, adding the flour mixture in three portions and the coconut milk in 2 (begin and end with the dry ingredients). Mix just until everything is incorporated. Switch to a rubber spatula and gently stir in the coconut. Divide the batter evenly between the two pans. Bake for about 45 minutes, or until the cakes are a deep golden brown. They should start to pull away from the sides of the pans and a thin knife inserted into their centers will come out clean. Transfer the cakes to a cooling rack and cool for 5 minutes, then unmold and invert onto another rack to cool to room temperature right side up.

For the Chocolate Cake (I used the cake recipe from Dorie’s Devil’s Food White Out Cake)–again, halved this

1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 sticks (10 tablespoons) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup (packed) light brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
3 large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled
1/2 cup buttermilk or whole milk, at room temperature
1/2 cup boiling water
4 ounces semisweet or milk chocolate, finely chopped, or 2/3 cup store-bought mini chocolate chips

GETTING READY: Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter two 8-x-2-inch round cake pans, dust the insides with flour, tap out the excess and line the bottoms with parchment or wax paper. Put the pans on a baking sheet.

TO MAKE THE CAKE: Sift together the flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder and salt.

Working with a stand mixer, preferably fitted with a paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter on medium speed until soft and creamy. Add the sugars and continue to beat for another 3 minutes. Add the eggs one by one, beating for 1 minute after each addition. Beat in the vanilla; don’t be concerned if the mixture looks curdled. Reduce the mixer speed to low and mix in the melted chocolate. When it is fully incorporated, add the dry ingredients alternately with the buttermilk, adding the dry ingredients in 3 additions and the milk in 2 (begin and end with the dry ingredients); scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed and mix only until the ingredients disappear into the batter. At this point, the batter will be thick, like frosting. Still working on low speed, mix in the boiling water, which will thin the batter considerably. Switch to a rubber spatula, scrape down the bowl and stir in the chopped chocolate. Divide the batter evenly between the two pans and smooth the tops with the rubber spatula.

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, rotating the pans at the midway point. When fully baked, the cakes will be springy to the touch and a thin knife inserted into the centers will come out clean. Don’t worry if the tops have a few small cracks. Transfer the cake pans to a rack and cool for about 5 minutes, then run a knife around the sides of the cakes, unmold them and peel off the paper liners. Invert and cool to room temperature right side up. (The cooled cake layers can be wrapped airtight and stored at room temperature overnight or frozen for up to 2 months.)

For the frosting

2 sticks butter, softened
4 large egg whites
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1/3 cup caramel (I had some leftover from a Banana Cream Pie I had made a few days ago–this one)

Put egg whites, lemon, and sugar in a double boiler (I just used a pot, I know this is WRONG, but whatever) and heat on low until the sugar is dissolved (about 150 degrees on a candy thermometer). Transfer to a stand mixer with a whisk attachment and beat on high speed until mixture is cool and stiff (not dry) peaks have formed, about 10-15 minutes. Turn mixer speed to medium and add the butter, 2 tbsps at a time, beating well between each addition. The mixture will look curdled–don’t worry, just keep beating on medium high until the buttercream forms. It could be a few minutes. Then, turn the mixer to low and add the caramel, beating until just incorporated.

Justify your cake

Ever need an excuse to make an elaborate 4 layer cake?

You should live with my roommates. They came up with about 25 reasons for me to make this unreasonably decadent cake yesterday. For one, it was the first day of August (despite barely cracking 60 degrees, awesome work San Francisco). For two, it was recently Beatrix Potter’s birthday. For three, it was my roommate’s SISTER’S birthday. For four, July was national ice cream month. For five, it was a Sunday. For six, I don’t know. We just fucking wanted to eat some cake?

So I made a super dense buttery chocolate cake (seriously this is my new favorite chocolate cake ever ever), sliced it up into 4 layers, spread dark chocolate ganache in between each layer, then topped that ganache with mascarpone whipped cream frosting and dark cherries.

Then I frosted the whole fucking kit&caboodle. THEN I made some dark chocolate trees, it being a black forest cake and all. You know how I love to heavy-hand themes to death.

And then we ate it. And that’s how you make a ridiculously complicated cake on a random Sunday and justify the hell out of it. You’re welcome.

Black Forest Cake
adapted from Tartine and here

(I used the Devil’s Food Layer Cake recipe from Tartine for the base)
1 3/4 Cups All-purpose flour
4 1/2 tbsp Cornstarch
1 tsp Baking powder
1/2 tsp Baking soda
1 1/4 Cupa Cocoa powder
1 tsp Salt
1 Cup Unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 3/4 Cups Sugar
5 Large eggs
1 1/4 Cups Full-fat buttermilk

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Butter and lightly flour the sides of two 9-inch cake pans, knocking out the excess flour. Line the bottom of each pan with parchment paper cut to fit exactly.

To make the cake layers, sift together the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa powder, and salt into a bowl and set aside. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the butter on medium-high speed until light and creamy. Slowly add the sugar and continue to beat on the same speed until light in color and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition until incorporated before adding the next egg. Stop the mixer and scrape down the sides of the bowl with the rubber spatula. With the mixer on low speed, add the flour mixture in 3 equal batches alternately with the buttermilk in 2 batches, beginning and ending with the flour mixture. Stop the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl, and then mix again for another few seconds.

Divide the cake batter evenly between the prepared cake pans. Bake until the top springs back when lightly touched or a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean, about 45 minutes. Let the cakes cool completely in the pans on a wire rack.

For dark chocolate ganache:
3 oz. dark chocolate, chopped
2.5 oz. manufacturing or heavy whipping cream

Place the chopped chocolate in a bowl and set aside.
In a saucepan, heat the cream just until simmering. Pour the hot cream mixture over the chocolate.  Let sit for a minute or so. Whisk the cream into the chocolate until smooth.
Spread a thin layer of ganache on top of both of the cooled chocolate cakes.  Let set for at least two hours, or an hour in the refrigerator.

For dark cherry filling:
12 oz. frozen dark cherries
3 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp cornstarch
1 Tbsp kirsch or brandy

Place the cherries in a saucepan and cook over medium heat until the cherries begin to release their juices.
Add the sugar into the cherries, stirring until dissolved. Pour some of the cherry juice into a small bowl.  Add the cornstarch to the juice and whisk until the corn starch is completely dissolved.  Add the cornstarch and juice back into the saucepan. Bring the mixture to a boil and cook for one minute.  Remove from heat and stir in the kirsch or brandy.  Let cool before using.

For mascarpone whipped cream:
1 cup mascarpone cheese
3 cups  heavy whipping cream
2/3 cup powdered sugar

Combine the mascarpone cheese and cream in a bowl.  Whip until soft peaks. Add the powdered sugar to the cream, continue whipping just until you reach stiff peaks.  Be careful not to overwhip!  Use immediately.

Assembly:
1. Spread a layer of mascarpone whipped cream on the prepared ganache-chocolate cake.
2. Top the whipped cream with the cherries.
3. Place the next layer of cake on top of the cherries and whipped cream, etc.
4. Frost the outside of the cake with the remaining cream.  Decorate with chocolate shavings, chocolate trees, fresh cherries, or a dusting of powdered sugar/cocoa powder, if desired.
5. Store in the refrigerator.