Putting the ME in MEATSAUCE

HEEYYYY INTERNET! How’s it going? I just ate some meatsauce (is that not one word? well, i want it to be, so it is here), so I am doing pretty well, if you couldn’t tell. Now I want to share it with you, because I like you. I know, 2 savory posts in a row, such craziness! And this one with–gasp–meat! I never post anything with meat. Were you under the impression that I am vegetarian? Because…I am not. I know, it’s bad for the environment to eat meat. I KNOW. I knowwww. Listen, I recycle and I bring my own shopping bags and I shop in bulk to limit my packaging waste and I buy local whenever possible and I re-use my yogurt containers as tupperware. So maybe just give me a little bit of a break about the meat thing, ok?

Because I don’t eat meat all that often, mostly because I am never really sure what to DO with it. I’m not a huge chicken fan, and while I love a good steak, I was apparently not born with the skills to not mercilessly overcook or undercook or ruin in general steak every time I try to make it. Because I am incompetent. For example:

Yeah, that is my recipe. Burned. You see, I was balancing the stirring spoon precariously on top of my measuring cup, and then I hit it with my elbow, which knocked it over and sent my recipe flying into the burner. And then I didn’t NOTICE it immediately, until the flames were literally shooting off the stove, and I was all AAH! AAH! AAAAH! acting like a mad woman, doing the exact opposite thing they teach you in those elementary school fire safety lessons, which is to stay calm and assess the situation and then react. But you know me, I’m literally running around in circles screaming FIRE FIRE FIRE for like 2 minutes before I decide to try to blow the thing out. But I swear this piece of paper was made from the remnants of trick candles, because it took a solid 5 or 6 blows to extinguish it. So THAT WAS EXCITING.

Also to be filed in the THAT WAS EXCITING category: using fresh nutmeg! It’s so pretty! And I have no idea if it made any difference at all in the flavoring of the sauce (that kind of thing is way beyond the sensitivities of my palate, which really just has 2 flavor differentiations: Like and Do Not Like, and there is only 1 food item that registers under Do Not Like and that is broccoli raab, and HE KNOWS WHY) but it was REALLY FUN to grate, so you know, score one for this recipe.

Really the only complaint I have about this recipe is that it takes a loooong ass time to cook the sauce. But if you’re like me and you have zero Saturday evening plans, then you can prepare this sauce and let it simmer while you watch whatever movie is on TBS (the pursuit of happyness) and by the end of the movie you’re pretty much done and, although you’re the same planless-on-saturday-loser that you were before the movie, you are NOW a planless-on-saturday-loser WITH MEATSAUCE. A very important distinction.

Have we talked about how unattractive it is to photograph ground beef? Forgive me, ground beef. You have a lot of really amazing qualities, qualities this sauce in particular really enhances, but on the photogenic scale of things, you sit somewhere in the bottom rung, roughly between me and vomit.

But looks aren’t everything, meatsauce. And I love you despite yours. And I never really know what to say here to convince you to make any recipes on this blog. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter, and like every other recipe I’m all THIS IS THE BEST EVER, YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT, so by now I’ve lost all credibility. But, gosh, I mean it this time. This is the best bolognese sauce I’ve ever had (disclaimer: never have been to Italy so you can stop. right. there. you, who were going to write me all oh my goshhhh this sauce is nothing compared to this sauce i had once in bologna at this really cute authentic off-the-beaten-path non-touristy hole in the wall place owned by the woman from strega nona and they were so nice and i had aammaaaazing wine and for dessert we had espresso in teeny cups because the americans have it alllll wrong and you’ll never be able to recreate that amazing sauce i had on that amazing month-long backpacking trip with my boyfriend who looks like gregory peck and oh did i tell you we stayed at a youth hostel and it was so AUTHENTIC and we really got to see the REAL italy, you know, not like all the touristy spots and oh man that bolognese sauce was just divine because god loves the cows in italy better because of the pope and all so i really think you need to go to italy and try that sauce.  YES I KNOW I NEED TO GO TO ITALY. DO YOU HAVE A THOUSAND DOLLARS AND A SPARE WEEK? BECAUSE I WILL TOTALLY GO TO ITALY, OK?!?!?! GOD)

Just make it.

Bolognese Meat Sauce
from Marcella Hazan via Emily Weinstein via Bitten

•    1 tablespoon vegetable oil
•    3 tablespoons butter plus 1 tablespoon for tossing the pasta
•    1/2 cup chopped onion
•    2/3 cup chopped celery
•    2/3 cup chopped carrot
•    3/4 pound ground beef chuck (or you can use 1 part pork to 2 parts beef)
•    Salt
•    Black pepper, ground fresh from the mill
•    1 cup whole milk
•    Whole nutmeg
•    1 cup dry white wine
•    1 1/2 cups canned imported Italian plum tomatoes, cut up, with their juice
•    1 1/4 to 1 1/2 pounds pasta
•    Freshly grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese at the table

1. Put the oil, butter and chopped onion in the pot and turn the heat on to medium. Cook and stir the onion until it has become translucent, then add the chopped celery and carrot. Cook for about 2 minutes, stirring vegetables to coat them well.
2. Add ground beef, a large pinch of salt and a few grindings of pepper. Crumble the meat with a fork, stir well and cook until the beef has lost its raw, red color.
3. Add milk and let it simmer gently, stirring frequently, until it has bubbled away completely. Add a tiny grating — about 1/8 teaspoon — of nutmeg, and stir.
4. Add the wine, let it simmer until it has evaporated, then add the tomatoes and stir thoroughly to coat all ingredients well. When the tomatoes begin to bubble, turn the heat down so that the sauce cooks at the laziest of simmers, with just an intermittent bubble breaking through to the surface. Cook, uncovered, for 3 hours or more, stirring from time to time. While the sauce is cooking, you are likely to find that it begins to dry out and the fat separates from the meat. To keep it from sticking, add 1/2 cup of water whenever necessary. At the end, however, no water at all must be left and the fat must separate from the sauce. Taste and correct for salt.

Cause it makes you FEEL good

Things have been a little DRAMATIC around this kitch recently. Not in any real tangible way, I just feel like my shift key has been getting a lot of use. Things have been the BEST or the WORST or I’ve been threatening to punch people in the balls. Let’s bring it back down a little bit. Let’s simmer (like these wheat berries did for an hour! HEYYYYY see what I did there?). Which isn’t to say that I’m not enthusiastic about this salad. In fact, I’m so enthusiastic about it that I first had it on Monday (made by my sister) and I was so enamored with it that I made it again, for myself, a mere 3 days later. I couldn’t wait. I practically ran to the store to find all the ingredients.

Because I love a good crazy ass salad that has a whole bunch of shit in it. This one is crunchy and soft and sweet and salty and vinegary and everything! It’s everything I want in a salad, and it’s good for me, so EVERYBODY WINS! And there I go with the caps again.

One of the fun things about having a blog is looking at your page stats. I get to see what search terms people use to get to my site (including such gems as “what does a plum look like cut in half” [like, really? you need the internet to find that out?] or “hooters floor plan” [trying to make your search history legitimate, eh? oh no, honey, i'm interested in hooters as a BUSINESS VENTURE. also....that led you to this here blog. let me ask you this: did you feel like that was a successful google search? because i kinda think you missed your intended destination by, i don't know, several cup sizes?]). The other day one of the search terms that led someone to this site was “cause it makes you feel good.”

I LIKE that, readers. I like that people are searching for that term, first of all. I can picture someone sitting down at their google homepage and being all… “well, I’m looking for something that I should be doing because it will make me feel good” and finally deciding the best search phrase was most surely “cause it makes you feel good.” I like that a lot alot. I also like that somehow, somewhere, my blog is connected to that search phrase. I don’t even care if I’m on page 79 of 80 of results for “cause it makes you feel good.” As long as I’m on there.

Because that’s what I’m trying to DO here. That is the PURPOSE of my blog. To make you bake things (or cook and chop things) and eat them, cause it makes you feel good! So listen here, are you feeling a little round of belly? Are you not pregnant? If you answered yes to both of those, this salad is for you (if you answered “no” to the first question, f you you skinny bitch, and if you answered “no” to the 2nd question, first of all, congratulations, etc etc, i’m sure your baby won’t look like a tiny wrinkled alien like every other baby that has ever emerged from every happy and fertile womb, but, also, this salad is probably for you, because it literally satisfies every craving you could possibly have.) This salad tastes good AND it’ll make you feeel good.

There is my sister and her boyfriend enjoying the original salad on a sloping grassy knoll at Gundlach Bundschu winery. We enjoyed some tempranillo and cheese and biscuits and raspberries and chocolate and this salad, and we listened to the sweet and folksy tunes of the Fruit Bats, cause it made us feel good. Then I went and ruined the night by making my sister’s boyfriend take a picture of me sitting next to the band during the opening act. I made a peace sign and everyone sitting around us looked at me all Who Is That Doofus, but it doesn’t matter, CAUSE IT MADE ME FEEL GOOD (listen, I know, you’re tired of hearing the phrase, but I’m trying to improve my search results here). This good:

(me: cracking myself up. the fruit bats: there next to me! see them? so cute!!)

It was a good night. But I need to stay on theme here. CONCLUSION: salad’s great. Make it and eat too much of it and don’t feel bad about it because it’s just about as healthy as it gets. Then go get some ice cream. Love, Katrina.

Spelt [or Wheat Berry] Salad with Fava Beans [or Edamame]
from Cooking Light

•    1  cup  uncooked spelt or wheat berries
•    4  cups  water
•    2  cups  shelled unpeeled fava beans (about 2 pounds whole pods) [I used edamame here because my organic foofy hippy stores let me down and didn't have any fava beans]
•    1/2  cup  chopped drained oil-packed sun-dried tomato halves
•    1/2  cup  diced celery
•    1/3  cup  dried currants
•    3  tablespoons  balsamic vinegar
•    1  tablespoon  extravirgin olive oil
•    1/2  teaspoon  salt
•    1/2  teaspoon  freshly ground black pepper
•    2  garlic cloves, crushed
•    1/4  cup  chopped fresh parsley [increased this to 1/2 cup per my sister's tip. recommend you do the same]

Place spelt in a large saucepan; cover with water to 2 inches above spelt. Bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 1 1/2 hours or until spelt is tender. Drain. [wheat berries cook in slightly less time]
Bring 4 cups water to a boil in a medium saucepan. Add fava beans; cook 2 minutes. Drain and rinse with cold water; drain. Remove and discard tough outer skins from beans. [frozen edamame can just be defrosted and used as is. score one for the lazies!]
Combine spelt, fava beans, tomatoes, celery, and currants in a large bowl. Combine vinegar and next 4 ingredients (through garlic), stirring with a whisk. Drizzle over spelt mixture; toss well to coat. Sprinkle with parsley.

Superlative banana bread

Are you one of those people who can’t get excited about banana bread? Well, stop being that person. That person is a crazy person. Because this banana bread is the f’in BEE’S KNEES, and everyone who has tried it so far has said it’s the best thing I’ve ever made. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY THINGS I HAVE MADE? How are you not convinced yet?

Look, here’s my friend Steph helping me halve the cherries. Halving and pitting cherries is not a big deal at all, so let me preemptively tell you to stop your lame whining. Just don’t wear a white shirt (story of my life. no really. the working title for my autobiography [which will never be written, don't fret] is The Life and Times of a Girl Who Should Never For Any Occasion Have Worn That White Shirt, Especially Those Occasions Involving Spaghetti, Of Which There Were Many).

If a beautiful girl pitting beautiful cherries is not enough impetus for you to go make this bread, then I don’t know you. I mean, whatever, don’t make it. Live your stupid life not tasting the combination of bananas and chocolate and fresh cherries. While you’re at it, never look at any beautiful sunsets or lay on a blanket under the stars or wake up in a sleeping bag when the weather is just chilly enough to make the underside of your nose a little cold and it’s quiet out and you unzip the tent and it’s like 6am because you can’t sleep much past when the sun is out and there’s a little bit of mist and the ground is dewy and then you make a pot of tea over a small fire. Don’t do that, it’s dumb and not worth it and life is stupid and boring.

And never buy a pair of great fitting jeans. And never go out to pho with good company. And never take a walk at dusk to the ice cream parlor and then sit on a park bench and watch as the city transforms into millions of tiny lights and distant sounds.

And never spend a warm night on your deck with your family, eating roasted chicken and vegetables and drinking beer and watching fireflies. And never take a random road trip with a good friend, blasting embarrassing music and singing along wildly and putting the windows down and laughing about how bad your voices are. And never go out on the night of the first snow of the winter, crunching the fresh powder with your boots and throwing snowballs and tackling each other and watching the flakes as they sparkle in the street lights and then put some milk on the stove and boil it and make really creamy hot chocolate and your cheeks are pink and your toes are a little numb but you wore your wool socks and maybe there’s a fire waiting.

Just don’t ever do those things, and don’t ever make this bread. Ok?

Cherry Chocolate Chip Banana Bread
guess what bitches, I MADE IT UP (sorta)(by tweaking some standard banana bread guidelines)

3-ish ripe bananas, smashed mashed or smushed
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup maple syrup
2 eggs
1 stick butter (8 tbsp) at room temperature
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking spice (I know, you might not have this. You can combine cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg, whatever into a teaspoon and call it baking spice)

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks or flakes or whatever
1 1/2-ish (see this is the part where I just kinda put them in until I thought there were enough….so this is a guess…feel free to add more/less depending on your own delicate feelings) fresh cherries, pitted and chopped

Preheat the oven to 350.

In a large bowl, beat the sugar and maple syrup with the butter until creamy. Add the eggs and beat until incorporated. Add the vanilla and then the bananas and mix well.

In a small bowl whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, and spice.

Add the flour mixture to the butter-sugar mixture and mix to incorporate. Add the chocolate chips and cherries and mix until evenly distributed. Pour into a 9×5 bread pan or several baby bread pans or whatever. I don’t know, you figure it out.

Bake 45 minutes or until golden brown on top. Stick a knife in there to make sure it comes out clean, etc. You know the drill, right? You’ve made bread before.

Cinnamon bun sleepover!

I run pretty much the same route every morning. It’s one of those strange things about my personality that I don’t really understand. I am in one moment impetuous to a fault, moving across the country on a whim (thrice-ish), rarely saying no to any activity and/or adventure, and doing that whole acting before thinking thing (see: eating that spoonful of cinnamon that one time at Coldstone). But then every morning I lace up my running shoes and I can’t bring myself to explore a new path. I just want to run what I know, and I don’t want to think about it, and I can do it for years and never tire of it.

I think it has to do with the fact that my brain literally does not function for the first 2 hours I’m awake. If you accidentally call me and wake me up, the conversation might go something like this:

You: Good morning!
Me: Scrapplicious!
You: The what now?
Me: Dram the sandwich!

Listen, I have very bizarre dreams. But don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you any of them. I know how boring that is. (But, oh no, not when you tell me YOUR dreams, friend. No, really, I want to hear about how you had to save the entire human race and then there was this weird green liquid but it wasn’t really green? or a liquid? you know? and you changed forms into a lion but then you weren’t REALLY a lion? and you can’t even explain it, it was soooo weird. like, you were a lion but you weren’t a lion? right?) Just to be clear: I say this, I’m aware of it, and I still share my dreams sometimes. Because I am just that self-absorbed and I don’t give a shit if I’m boring you as long as I’m satisfying my need to talk about ME. I mean. I have a blog.

BUT WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS POST? The point is, the other day I wrote myself a note before I went to bed, knowing that when I woke up at 6:45 (I know that’s not even early. I know you get up at 5:00 and omg I can’t believe you can’t even function when you get to sleep in until 6:45 you’re so lucky I hate my life as a student/financial type/morning-person-not-by-choice. I KNOW. Just stop being unbearable for like ONE SECOND and empathize.) things would be really foggy and I wouldn’t be quite sure what to do. Here is my note in full: Get up (in retrospect, I really like that I included this instruction), take cinnamon buns out of fridge, put water on boil, change into running clothes, put buns in oven, pour water into pan and put in oven, go for run, remove buns from oven, preheat to 350, bake buns, take shower, make icing, take buns out of oven, frost, go to work.

What the note doesn’t go on to say is: Arrive at work, set out DELICIOUS WARM DOUGHY CINNAMON BUNS FRESH FROM THE OVEN and see them disappear in about 2 minutes.

Because these cinnamon buns are incredible. I’m…..in love with them. I could make these every morning. That would be ok with me. I would never tire of them. I’d run the shit out of this cinnamon bun route. And you should too. Because when you do most of the prep the night before, you too can bake these before work (you need about an hour of time, but about 5 minutes of actual DOING stuff…a little more if you don’t make the frosting the night before as well). If I was the author of the book “How to Win Friends & Influence People” the entire book would just be the recipe for these cinnamon buns with a post-it on top that says “MAKE THESE AND BRING THEM IN TO WORK.” And, you know, act interested when people tell you their dreams. Really. Done.

Ingredients

Dough:

4 large egg yolks, room temperature

1 large whole egg, room temperature

2 ounces sugar, approximately 1/4 cup

3 ounces unsalted butter, melted, approximately 6 tablespoons

6 ounces buttermilk, room temperature

20 ounces all-purpose flour, approximately 4 cups, plus additional for dusting

1 package instant dry yeast, approximately 2 1/4 teaspoons

1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt

Vegetable oil or cooking spray

Filling:

8 ounces light brown sugar, approximately 1 cup packed

1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

Pinch salt

3/4-ounce unsalted butter, melted, approximately 1 1/2 tablespoons

Icing:

2 1/2 ounces cream cheese, softened, approximately 1/4 cup

3 tablespoons milk

5 1/2 ounces powdered sugar, approximately 1 1/2 cups

Directions

For the dough: in the bowl of a stand mixer with the whisk attachment, whisk the egg yolks, whole egg, sugar, butter, and buttermilk. Add approximately 2 cups of the flour along with the yeast and salt; whisk until moistened and combined. Remove the whisk attachment and replace with a dough hook. Add all but 3/4 cup of the remaining flour and knead on low speed for 5 minutes. Check the consistency of the dough, add more flour if necessary; the dough should feel soft and moist but not sticky. Knead on low speed 5 minutes more or until the dough clears the sides of the bowl. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface; knead by hand about 30 seconds. Lightly oil a large bowl. Transfer the dough to the bowl, lightly oil the top of the dough, cover and let double in volume, 2 to 2 1/2 hours.

Combine the brown sugar, cinnamon and salt in a medium bowl. Mix until well incorporated. Set aside until ready to use.

Butter a 9 by 13-inch glass baking dish. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface. Gently shape the dough into a rectangle with the long side nearest you. Roll into an 18 by 12-inch rectangle. Brush the dough with the 3/4-ounce of melted butter, leaving 1/2-inch border along the top edge. Sprinkle the filling mixture over the dough, leaving a 3/4-inch border along the top edge; gently press the filling into the dough. Beginning with the long edge nearest you, roll the dough into a tight cylinder. Firmly pinch the seam to seal and roll the cylinder seam side down. Very gently squeeze the cylinder to create even thickness. Using a serrated knife, slice the cylinder into 1 1/2-inch rolls; yielding 12 rolls. Arrange rolls cut side down in the baking dish; cover tightly with plastic wrap and store in the refrigerator overnight or up to 16 hours.

Remove the rolls from the refrigerator and place in an oven that is turned off. Fill a shallow pan 2/3-full of boiling water and set on the rack below the rolls. Close the oven door and let the rolls rise until they look slightly puffy; approximately 30 minutes. Remove the rolls and the shallow pan of water from the oven.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

When the oven is ready, place the rolls on the middle rack and bake until golden brown, or until the internal temperature reaches 190 degrees F on an instant-read thermometer, approximately 30 minutes.

While the rolls are cooling slightly, make the icing by whisking the cream cheese in the bowl of a stand mixer until creamy. Add the milk and whisk until combined. Sift in the powdered sugar, and whisk until smooth. Spread over the rolls and serve immediately.

Overnight Cinnamon Rolls
from Alton Brown

Dough:

4 large egg yolks, room temperature
1 large whole egg, room temperature
2 ounces sugar, approximately 1/4 cup
3 ounces unsalted butter, melted, approximately 6 tablespoons
6 ounces buttermilk, room temperature, approx 3/4 cup
20 ounces all-purpose flour, approximately 4 cups, plus additional for dusting
1 package instant dry yeast, approximately 2 1/4 teaspoons
1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt
Vegetable oil or cooking spray

Filling:

8 ounces light brown sugar, approximately 1 cup packed
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
Pinch salt
3/4-ounce unsalted butter, melted, approximately 1 1/2 tablespoons

Icing:

2 1/2 ounces cream cheese, softened, approximately 1/4 cup
3 tablespoons milk
5 1/2 ounces powdered sugar, approximately 1 1/2 cups

Directions

For the dough: in the bowl of a stand mixer with the whisk attachment, whisk the egg yolks, whole egg, sugar, butter, and buttermilk. Add approximately 2 cups of the flour along with the yeast and salt; whisk until moistened and combined. Remove the whisk attachment and replace with a dough hook. Add all but 3/4 cup of the remaining flour and knead on low speed for 5 minutes. Check the consistency of the dough, add more flour if necessary; the dough should feel soft and moist but not sticky. Knead on low speed 5 minutes more or until the dough clears the sides of the bowl. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface; knead by hand about 30 seconds. Lightly oil a large bowl. Transfer the dough to the bowl, lightly oil the top of the dough, cover and let double in volume, 2 to 2 1/2 hours.

Combine the brown sugar, cinnamon and salt in a medium bowl. Mix until well incorporated. Set aside until ready to use.

Butter a 9 by 13-inch glass baking dish. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface. Gently shape the dough into a rectangle with the long side nearest you. Roll into an 18 by 12-inch rectangle. Brush the dough with the 3/4-ounce of melted butter, leaving 1/2-inch border along the top edge. Sprinkle the filling mixture over the dough, leaving a 3/4-inch border along the top edge; gently press the filling into the dough. Beginning with the long edge nearest you, roll the dough into a tight cylinder. Firmly pinch the seam to seal and roll the cylinder seam side down. Very gently squeeze the cylinder to create even thickness. Using a serrated knife, slice the cylinder into 1 1/2-inch rolls; yielding 12 rolls. Arrange rolls cut side down in the baking dish; cover tightly with plastic wrap and store in the refrigerator overnight or up to 16 hours.

Remove the rolls from the refrigerator and place in an oven that is turned off. Fill a shallow pan 2/3-full of boiling water and set on the rack below the rolls. Close the oven door and let the rolls rise until they look slightly puffy; approximately 30 minutes. Remove the rolls and the shallow pan of water from the oven.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

When the oven is ready, place the rolls on the middle rack and bake until golden brown, or until the internal temperature reaches 190 degrees F on an instant-read thermometer, approximately 30 minutes.

While the rolls are cooling slightly, make the icing by whisking the cream cheese in the bowl of a stand mixer until creamy. Add the milk and whisk until combined. Sift in the powdered sugar, and whisk until smooth. Spread over the rolls and serve immediately.

Brownies for my Brownie

I undercooked these brownies. I undercooked them a lot. Well, not according to the recipe. According to the recipe, I cooked them 5 minutes longer than necessary. But no. They were unacceptably gooey. I love a gooey brownie, I do, but these were practically melted chocolate. They were unholdable. They would not DO.

A simple knife test would’ve told me I undercooked the brownies. But since I cooked it 5 minutes more than it said, I didn’t perform one. You know why? Because I TRUST. I trust recipes to be honest with me.

I trust recipes to not be total cowards. I trust recipes to be upfront with me and not feed me lines of bullshit all the time until I’m ready to punch someone in the balls.

I am a trusting person, and I trust. I trust and I trust and I trust and it continually gets THROWN IN MY FACE.

So this is my official message to the world. I am DONE. I am DONE trusting. Trusting is for stupid douchey suckers. Trusting just leaves you with gooey ass brownies and frustration.

We’re not talking about recipes anymore, are we? No. We’re not. Because I’m in a terrible mood. A TERRIBLE ONE. And since this is my blog, you have to listen to it. Because I’ve already ranted all day and it didn’t help, and I thought chocolate would help and then chocolate let me down because it’s just FOLLOWING SUIT. Because everyone in this stupid world is a stupid douchebag, and no one can help themselves. Everyone is a brownie recipe pretending to be all worked out and on top of their shit, and everyone is just a gooey fucking brownie with NO BACKBONE.

BUT ANYWAY. These brownies are for my friend Meg. It’s her birthday today. If Meg and I were baked goods, she’d be a brownie and I’d be a blondie. And because of that, she understands that I needed an excuse to make chocolate today. I NEEDED IT. You feel me, Meg. I know you do. Happy Birthday bud. You rock.

Tribute-To-Katherine-Hepburn Brownies
from Baking From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan

Ingredients
•    1/4 cup all-purpose flour
•    1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon (optional)
•    1/4 teaspoon salt
•    1 stick (8 tablespoons) unsalted butter, cut into 8 pieces
•    1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
•    2 teaspoons finely ground instant coffee
•    2 large eggs, preferably at room temperature
•    1 cup sugar
•    1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
•    1 cup broken or chopped walnuts or pecans
•    4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
GETTING READY:
1.    Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.
2.    Butter an 8-inch square baking pan and line the bottom with parchment or wax paper. Butter the paper, dust the inside of the pan with flour and tap out the excess. Place the pan on a baking sheet.
3.    Whisk the flour, cinnamon, if you’re using it, and salt together.
4.    Put the butter in a medium heavy-bottomed saucepan and place the pan over low heat. When the butter starts to melt, sift the cocoa over it and add the instant coffee. Continue to cook, stirring, until the butter is melted and the cocoa and coffee are blended into it. Remove from the heat and cool for about 3 minutes.
5.    Using a whisk or a rubber spatula, beat the eggs into the saucepan one at a time. Next, stir in the sugar and vanilla (don’t beat anything too vigorously — you don’t want to add air to the batter), followed by the dry ingredients, nuts and chopped chocolate. Scrape the batter into the pan.
6.    Bake for 30 minutes, at which point the brownies will still be gooey but the top will have a dry papery crust. Transfer the pan to a rack and let the brownies cool for at least 30 minutes. (You can wait longer, if you’d like.) Turn the brownies out onto a rack, peel away the paper and invert onto a cutting board. Cool completely before cutting into 16 squares, each roughly 2 inches on a side.
SERVING: These are happy being served in all the typical ways — with whipped cream, ice cream or Hot Fudge Sauce or paired with a glass of milk to allow for dunking. I think they are best at room temperature, when they are at their moistest, but they are also very good chilled.
STORING: Wrapped well, the brownies will keep for 3 days at room temperature or frozen for up to 2 months.

In search of the razza-za-zoo

Raspberries are sacred to me. They are. They really really are. I don’t just throw them into anything (except my mouth). And it takes a lot for me to bake a raspberry. Baking a raspberry is like melting ice cream. Sure it still tastes good, but why wouldn’t you just eat it in its original and perfect form? WHY? WHY WOULDN’T YOU DO THAT?

Well, I baked some. A lot of them. I just closed my eyes and did it, because I need to learn how to function like a normal human being (allegedly) and not someone who Just Can’t Bake That Raspberry No Don’t Make Me Do It. Because people like that end up in crazy houses, screaming about how the lamp has been taunting them for the past 3 hours.

Plus this recipe, on paper, really spoke to me. It doesn’t MESS with the raspberry, it just bakes it. At least I didn’t have to muddle them, or mix them with sugar, or otherwise taint their inherent perfection. I just warmed them and then cooled them. No harm no foul, right?

And I was really looking forward to them in combination with what I thought was going to be the most lemony muffin ever. In practice this muffin was lemony, sure, but it wasn’t LEMONY. I don’t have any theories on how to fix the issue (except, surprise, add more lemon!), I just want to complain about it, because it’s that kind of day.

Because I put 4 tsps of lemon zest in there like it told me to, and internet, that is a lot of lemon. It was 2.5 whole lemons’ worth of zest. Maybe I’m just expecting too much of this recipe (probably). Maybe I just feel like, if you have to cook the raspberry, the supporting cast should be fucking PHENOMENAL. And I thought it was a decent muffin. I mean, I ate like 18 of them, so clearly my Discerning Taste didn’t find many issues. I just wanted to be wowed. Zazzed. PaPOWed.

My [anonymous] friend is starting her own blog about her dating exploits. We were brainstorming about possible titles (for the record, if I started one it would be called How to React Appropriately When the 35 Year Old Man You Just Made Out With Says You Taste Like a Bacon-Wrapped Hotdog And Other Dating Tips) and she mentioned this scene from Sex in the City where Carrie is explaining what she’s looking for. That spark. That somethin somethin. That za-za-zoo. THAT’S what I wanted.

As much as I hate to take advice from Carrie-fucking-Bradshaw (hate that lady), she’s onto something. As it applies to baking. Show me the motherlovin za-za-zoo. And while I’m being all asky, if you want to show it to me in the dating world, I wouldn’t be opposed to that either.

Raspberry-Topped Lemon Muffins
via SmittenKitchen who adapted it from Susan Elizabeth Fallon via Bon Appetit, July 2006

Yield: 14 large or 56 miniature muffins

1 1/8 cups sugar, divided
4 teaspoons finely grated lemon peel (from two large lemons)  <–kat used 2 and a HALF, yo
2 cups all purpose flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 large egg
1 cup buttermilk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 1/2 1/2-pint containers (about) fresh raspberries

Preheat oven to 375°F. Line 14 standard muffin cups (or 56 minis) with paper liners. Mash 1/8 cup sugar and lemon peel in small bowl until sugar is slightly moist. Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt in medium bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat remaining 1 cup sugar and butter in large bowl until smooth. Beat in egg. Beat in buttermilk, then vanilla and lemon sugar. Beat in flour mixture.

Divide batter among muffin cups (the 2/3-3/4 level worked well for minis). Top each large muffin with 4 raspberries (or mini muffins with one each). Bake muffins until lightly browned on top and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 35 minutes (baking time was on the shy side of 20 minutes for mini muffins).

Douchey cupcakes

May I start off by thanking my darling sister for driving to the BART station to give me back my camera after I accidentally left it at her place? Well, that’s what I’m doing, because she told me I had to. As she handed me the camera over the turnstile she said “this better make the blog.” Friends, I didn’t know that getting mentioned on my blog was a bargaining chip for favors. Now that I know it, I’ma use it. Hey, can you go pick me up some fresh raspberries? I’ll mention it on my bloooooggggg.

That doesn’t do it for you, does it? Fine. I’ll get my own, and you can’t have any. Ummm, oh yeah, so my sister and I made some cupcakes this weekend. Sometimes I think cupcakes are kinda awesome, and sometimes I think they’re kinda douchey. There’s a lot of hubbub about cupcakes, a lot of cupcake-specific bakeries with all sorts of avant-garde flavor options…which makes them way trendier than other not-as-cool baked goods. They’re like the hipsters of the bakery world. But, I guess, given the right occasion, the cupcake is appropriate. These were for a baby shower my sister was going to. Being that it was a baby shower, we decided to take the wee-ness of the cupcake one step further and make baby cupcakes.

Because, clearly, the smart thing to do to a pregnant lady is to make her feel more huge. “Oh you brought me tiny cupcakes!!!”  “Oh no, preggy, those are regular size cupcakes. It’s just that you are SO FUCKING ENORMOUS that your sheer size is dwarfing any and all baked goods in your general vicinity.” Try it!

We went vanilla because my sister thought that was more “baby-showery.” I don’t really know what that means. I guess in general chocolate is a bit more sensual? And I guess babies are all heavenly lightness and golden haloed hues and glowing cheeks and not deep dark velvety things, things that go well with wine, things that can poured all over the body, and….wait, does my mom read this?

That’s my sister’s sexy new stove. It’s pretty beautiful. The masking tape and old lineloeum floors don’t compliment it best, but check out the knobs on that one, eh?

God, I don’t know why a post about baby shower cupcakes has me making sexual references. I think it’s because, at this moment, I’m watching a movie with Clive Owen in it. Have you ever seen that man? Oh and his voice. It’s like dark chocolate in audio form. Holy hell he is a good looking specimen. I bet he would let me feed him cupcakes.

Am I making you feel uncomfortable, reader? I apologize. Shall we get back to those little cute golden baby cupcakes then? Yes, let’s. So, I went to Sur La Table and bought some icing colors. I’m sick of using crappy food colors so I got some pretty, icing-specific violet and royal blue gels. See what pretty colors they produce? They’re lovely. I also got a decorating kit from IKEA for like $3. It included a piping bag and some tips, so my sister and I tried out our icing skills. Some of us were better than others:

Listen, my sister is a pretty smart woman. She is, you know, getting her PhD…so I guess expert icer is not a title she necessarily needs. And that’s a good thing because, forgive me sis, she was pretty bad at it.

Sorry for the blurry shot, but this is my favorite cupcake of hers. Don’t you love the little elf hat it’s wearing? It’s so cute. In the end, we had about 50 iced cupcakes, some prettier than others, but all guaranteed to make a pregnant lady feel self conscious about the enormity of her stomach.

And when I can make a pregnant lady feel bad about the miracle of life, well friends, my work here is done.

Vanilla Cupcakes with Vanilla Buttercream Frosting
from The Joy of Baking

1/2 cup (113 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature
2/3 cup (130 grams) granulated white sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Zest of 1 large lemon (optional)
1 1/2 cups (195 grams) all purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup (60 ml) milk

Buttercream Frosting:

2 cups (230 grams) confectioners sugar (icing or powdered sugar), sifted
1/2 cup (113 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 tablespoons milk or light cream
Assorted food colors (if desired)

Preheat oven
to 350 degrees F (177 degrees C) and lightly butter or line 12 muffin cups with paper liners.

For the Cupcakes: Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in the vanilla extract and lemon zest.

In a separate bowl whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt.

With the mixer on low speed, alternately add the flour mixture and milk, in three additions, beginning and ending with the flour. Scrape down the sides of the bowl.

Evenly fill the muffin cups with the batter and bake for about 18-20 minutes or until nicely browned and a toothpick inserted into a cupcake comes out clean. Remove from oven and place on a wire rack to cool. Once the cupcakes have completely cooled, frost with icing. If you want flat topped cupcakes then slice off the dome of each cupcake, with a sharp knife, before frosting. If you want to pipe the frosting, I like to use a large Wilton 1M closed star decorating tip.

For the Frosting: In an electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, cream the butter until smooth and well blended. Add the vanilla extract. With the mixer on low speed, gradually beat in the sugar. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the milk and beat on high speed until frosting is light and fluffy (about 3-4 minutes). Add a little more milk or sugar, if needed. Tint the frosting with desired food color (I use the paste food coloring that is available at cake decorating stores and party stores).

Makes about 12 cupcakes (or 800000 baby ones)

An Inconvenient Granola

Everyone who knows me knows that I tend toward the hippie side of things more often than not. In college, my friends staged various “interventions” on my behalf because of this tendency. They went something like this:

Friend: Katrina, you can no longer own a hemp wallet.
Me: Quit harshin my cool!

Friend: Katrina, no self-respecting 21 year old woman owns shoes with flames painted on them. Please throw them away.
Me: NEVER!

You get the picture. It’s not my fault, though. I grew up with 2 aging hippie parents who drove me to folk festivals in this car (well, that car, but in bright aqua green). I spent a lot of time dancing barefoot to bluegrass in peasant skirts. Sure, now I dress in JCrew and probably hear the term “jock” more often than hippie, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten my roots. And so prepare yourselves, because this post is pretty crunchy of me.

It starts in a hippie grocery store, Rainbow Grocery of San Francisco (would you believe that I saw a big green eurovan camper parked outside?? no lie!). Everyone who knows me ALSO knows that I love food shopping, especially in fun grocery stores. Rainbow Grocery fits that bill. It has the most extensive bulk section I’ve ever seen, the results of which you can see above. I bought no less than 10 items in bags. They had all sorts of crazy crap I’ve never even heard of. In an effort to keep this blog accessible (I know some of you shop in Stop n Shop or Safeway or places that don’t contain bins of nutritional yeast or kamut), I got ingredients I thought non-hippies could find in normal stores.

Which brings me to the point of the post here, this granola. Let me just say that I see recipes for granola all the damn time. Most of the time I think, yes, that looks nice. But I’ve never really had the urge to make any of them. For one, I’m not the hugest granola fan ever. Sure I like it in yogurt or with way too much milk, but on its own I sometimes can’t handle the simultaneous sweetness and dry-yet-somehow-greasiness of it all. And I don’t buy it often because it’s damn expensive if you want any sort of decent granola.

But when I saw this recipe, I knew it was for me. I can’t even tell you why. It was cosmic. The ingredients just made sense, and I could see it would be subtly sweet and crunchy and wonderful. It also billed itself as a pain in the ass. I love it when recipes are upfront with me. Everyone who knows me also ALSO knows that I’m somewhat of a masochist. But I don’t like being surprised about the pain I’m getting myself into. When I look up a flight of stairs and someone says, run up and down these for 5 minutes, I can do that. But when I embark on a recipe I think is going to be a cinch and it ends up taking me 4 hours, that I do not like.

And to be honest, since I prepared for this being a bitch of a recipe, it really didn’t seem so bad while I was doing it. Really, honestly, it’s just toasting like 4 or 5 things. Sure, each one takes anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes, so you have to kind of constantly hover around the oven. But that’s it. I would even say this recipe is kinda easy.

But I don’t want to say that to you and have you try it and be like, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT IT WAS HORRIBLE YOU’RE THE WORST FRIEND EVER AND BY THE WAY YOU NEED TO CUT YOUR HAIR YOU DAMN DIRTY HIPPIE. So let’s leave it at “inconvenient” and I’ll let you form your own judgments about the process.

But do you see how pretty it is? All warm golden and bright jewel tones. The best part about this granola, imho, is the subtle flavors from the toasted coconut and sesame seeds. It just adds a little something extra to the usual oats and nuts and dried fruit. Plus with only 1/4 cup of oil for about 65790856 servings, I’m pretty sure this is the healthiest granola I’ve ever consumed and still enjoyed.

So if you’ve been waiting for a granola to really speak to you, hear this one out. I think it’s a winner, and not just because I grew up riding in a big green VW van, friends.

Terribly Inconvenient Granola
from Martha’s Vineyard Fiber Farm

Ingredients:

12 cups Old Fashion Oats: It matters not one wit which brand, so go cheap if you can.

3 cups of assorted raw (unsalted) nuts: I use whatever is in my freezer. Almonds work well, as do hazelnuts, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, pecans, even pine nuts.

2 cups dried fruit: I  use dried cranberries because they are awesome and because everyone likes them but you can use apricots, blueberries, apples, whatever.

3 cups coconut: Look for unsweetened coconut in the bulk food bins at your market or health food store.

2 cups sesame seeds: Yup. Two cups. You’ll find them in the bulk bins as well. Trust me, you need the sesame seeds.

Honey: You’ll probably use about half a cup but you might want to make it sweeter than I do.

Canola or Vegetable Oil

Salt

Most granola recipes will tell you to throw all the dry ingredients into a large bowl, then pour on the oil and honey and stir it up, then tip the whole thing out on to a couple of sheet pans and bake. Don’t do that. All of the dry ingredients take different amounts of time to brown. Coconut and nuts tend to brown very quickly while oats take longer. And, due to a high sugar content,  dried fruit will be burnt before everything else is even warm. And another thing: what’s the thinking behind coating nuts and dried fruit with oil? Why is that necessary? The answer is it’s not.

Instead of throwing everything together, we’re going to brown each of the ingredients separately. (This is were the inconvenient part comes in.)  That way the nuts will be toasted to perfection, the coconut will be perfectly brown and the cranberries won’t be cooked at all. All of the ingredients will be at their best and be bursting with flavor. (Incidentally, this is also the method for making the world’s greatest roasted vegetables.)

Start with the nuts. I’m using pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and pecans this time. (I roughly chopped the pecans. If I was using almonds or hazelnuts I would chop them as well.) Spread the nuts out on sheet pans and pop them in a 350 degree oven until they are lightly browned. Do me a favor and stay in the kitchen while you’re toasting the nuts. Nuts are notorious for going from raw to burnt in the blink of an eye. Save yourself the heartache and check on them every couple of minutes. When they are lightly toasted, remove from the oven and let cool for a couple minutes, then tip them in to your largest bowl.

Next toasted your sesame seeds:

And add them to the bowl.

Now you’re ready to toast the coconut. Here’s the thing about coconut: it’ll burn even faster than nuts. In fact the usual progression with coconut is raw, raw, raw, raw, black. Never turn your back on coconut, not even for a minute. Coconut is not to be trusted.

While you’re checking on your coconut, give it a stir. Stir the browner bits of coconut around the edges into the center. When you’re done the coconut should look like this:

Let it cool a bit and tip it into the bowl with the nuts. You can add your dried fruit to the bowl now too. If you’re using anything larger than a dried cranberry you’ll need to roughly chop it into smaller pieces.

Now we’re ready to move on to the oats that will make up the bulk of your granola. Pour the oats in to your second largest bowl. Into a large measuring cup pour half a cup of canola oil and half a cup of honey. Put the oil/honey mixture into the microwave and heat until the honey has loosened up a bit.

Add most of the oil and honey to the oats and start stirring. You want to lightly coat the oats with oil and the more you stir the more evenly it will be distributed. You can add more oil, but you really shouldn’t have to if you stir it enough.

Spread the oats on to two sheet pans and bake until the oats are lightly toasted. You might need to stir the oats a bit the same way you stirred the coconut. When the oats have stopped looking pale remove from the oven and let cool.

Add the cooled oats to your giant bowl and stir everything together. Now you need to sprinkle your granola with kosher salt. Trust me. You’ll need at least a half teaspoon but you can add it a bit at a time if it’s less scary. The salt really pulls all the flavors together, so don’t skip it.

Give everything another good stir and you’re done! Store your granola in an air tight container and it should last a couple of weeks.

6 cups Old Fashioned Oats (bought in bulk these are ridiculously cheap)

1 1/2 cups of assorted raw (unsalted) nuts (I used walnuts, almonds, and sunflower seeds)

1 cup dried fruit (dried cranberries and raisins for me, again, because they are super cheap and also delicious)

1 1/2 cups unsweetened coconut

1 cup sesame seeds (these might be harder to find, but Rainbow Grocery had 2 kinds! so I’m sure your local health food store will have at least 1)

Honey (I used 1/4 cup, but I’m a too-sweet-phobe. here’s where you can splurge for some good quality honey…I bought 1/2 cup of some fancy ass tropical honey from the bulk section and it was like $2. well worth it.)

1/4 cup Canola or Vegetable Oil

1/2 tsp Salt

Most granola recipes will tell you to throw all the dry ingredients into a large bowl, then pour on the oil and honey and stir it up, then tip the whole thing out on to a couple of sheet pans and bake. Don’t do that. All of the dry ingredients take different amounts of time to brown. Coconut and nuts tend to brown very quickly while oats take longer. And, due to a high sugar content,  dried fruit will be burnt before everything else is even warm. And another thing: what’s the thinking behind coating nuts and dried fruit with oil? Why is that necessary? The answer is it’s not.

Instead of throwing everything together, we’re going to brown each of the ingredients separately. (This is were the inconvenient part comes in.)  That way the nuts will be toasted to perfection, the coconut will be perfectly brown and the cranberries won’t be cooked at all. All of the ingredients will be at their best and be bursting with flavor. (Incidentally, this is also the method for making the world’s greatest roasted vegetables.)

Start with the nuts. I’m using pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and pecans this time. (I roughly chopped the pecans. If I was using almonds or hazelnuts I would chop them as well.) Spread the nuts out on sheet pans and pop them in a 350 degree oven until they are lightly browned. Do me a favor and stay in the kitchen while you’re toasting the nuts. Nuts are notorious for going from raw to burnt in the blink of an eye. Save yourself the heartache and check on them every couple of minutes. When they are lightly toasted, remove from the oven and let cool for a couple minutes, then tip them in to your largest bowl.

Next toasted your sesame seeds. And add them to the bowl.

Now you’re ready to toast the coconut. Here’s the thing about coconut: it’ll burn even faster than nuts. In fact the usual progression with coconut is raw, raw, raw, raw, black. Never turn your back on coconut, not even for a minute. Coconut is not to be trusted.

While you’re checking on your coconut, give it a stir. Stir the browner bits of coconut around the edges into the center. When you’re done the coconut should be golden.

Let it cool a bit and tip it into the bowl with the nuts. You can add your dried fruit to the bowl now too. If you’re using anything larger than a dried cranberry you’ll need to roughly chop it into smaller pieces.

Now we’re ready to move on to the oats that will make up the bulk of your granola. Pour the oats in to your second largest bowl. Into a large measuring cup pour quarter of a cup of canola oil and quarter of a cup of honey. Put the oil/honey mixture into the microwave and heat until the honey has loosened up a bit.

Add most of the oil and honey to the oats and start stirring. You want to lightly coat the oats with oil and the more you stir the more evenly it will be distributed. You can add more oil, but you really shouldn’t have to if you stir it enough.

Spread the oats onto a sheet pan and bake until the oats are lightly toasted. You might need to stir the oats a bit the same way you stirred the coconut. When the oats have stopped looking pale remove from the oven and let cool.

Add the cooled oats to your giant bowl and stir everything together. Now you need to sprinkle your granola with kosher salt. Trust me. You’ll need at least a quarter of a teaspoon but you can add it a bit at a time if it’s less scary. The salt really pulls all the flavors together, so don’t skip it.

Give everything another good stir and you’re done! Store your granola in an air tight container and it should last a couple of weeks.

A, B, CCC’s

I live above the cutest little grocery store. The man who owns it already knows me by name. Today I went in just as they were closing because it was one of those nights where I knew I had to make chocolate chip cookies. So I grabbed a bag of chocolate chips and brought it up to the register. “Hi Katrina. Doing some baking?”  I don’t think my cute little grocery store owner knows how often he’s going to utter those words to me.

A lot of fuss has been created over chocolate chip cookies. They’re so pivotal, so important to the baker’s repetoire. If you move on to things like pistachio petit-fours before you master the chocolate chip cookie, that’s like learning Rachmaninov on the piano before you conquer Chopsticks. I wavered between this recipe, from Cooks Illustrated, and Alton Brown’s, eventually choosing this because I didn’t have any bread flour on hand. Alton Brown’s is up next though, because I have a soft spot for that man. He’s so wacky. I kinda wish he was my friend.

The beauty about the recipe I did choose is that it incorporates one of my favorite ingredients in baking: brown butter. I’ve already mentioned brown butter here, but it hasn’t come up in a while. Basically, I think it’s wonderful. I think it smells wonderful, and tastes wonderful, and if I could marry it, that would be something I’d have to seriously consider.

It gives off this great nutty aroma when the brown flecks start to form. Add to that some toasted walnuts and these cookies definitely don’t lack in the wonderfully nutty department (kind of like me, right kids?). Working with the melted butter was only slightly strange because the dough was warm. When I mixed in the chocolate chips, they started to perspire a bit. I don’t know if I was supposed to wait longer for the butter to cool, or if the dough is supposed to be warm, or what, but I guess everything ended up working out in the end.

Flavor and texture-wise, I am a big fan of these cookies. I kinda regret not substituting a little of the all-purpose flour with whole wheat flour. I feel like it would’ve given them a bit more substance, and I think the whole wheat flour would stand up to all that butter very nicely. As they are, however, they’re simply great. They’re the best damned Chopsticks I’ve ever played. Alton, batter up (get it? cookie batter? swish?).

Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies
from Cook’s Illustrated (I know, AGAIN), May 1, 2009

Avoid using a nonstick skillet to brown the butter; the dark color of the nonstick coating makes it difficult to gauge when the butter is browned. Use fresh, moist brown sugar instead of hardened brown sugar, which will make the cookies dry. This recipe works with light brown sugar, but the cookies will be less full-flavored.

Ingredients
1 3/4     cups unbleached all-purpose flour (8 3/4 ounces)
1/2     teaspoon baking soda
14     tablespoons unsalted butter (1 3/4 sticks)
1/2     cup granulated sugar (3 1/2 ounces)
3/4     cups packed dark brown sugar (5 1/4 ounces) (see note)
1     teaspoon table salt
2     teaspoons vanilla extract
1     large egg
1     large egg yolk
1 1/4     cups semisweet chocolate chips or chunks (see note)
3/4     cup chopped pecan or walnuts, toasted (optional)
Instructions

Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 375 degrees. Line 2 large (18- by 12-inch) baking sheets with parchment paper. Whisk flour and baking soda together in medium bowl; set aside.

Heat 10 tablespoons butter in 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until melted, about 2 minutes. Continue cooking, swirling pan constantly until butter is dark golden brown and has nutty aroma, 1 to 3 minutes. Remove skillet from heat and, using heatproof spatula, transfer browned butter to large heatproof bowl. Stir remaining 4 tablespoons butter into hot butter until completely melted.

Add both sugars, salt, and vanilla to bowl with butter and whisk until fully incorporated. Add egg and yolk and whisk until mixture is smooth with no sugar lumps remaining, about 30 seconds. Let mixture stand 3 minutes, then whisk for 30 seconds. Repeat process of resting and whisking 2 more times until mixture is thick, smooth, and shiny. Using rubber spatula or wooden spoon, stir in flour mixture until just combined, about 1 minute. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts (if using), giving dough final stir to ensure no flour pockets remain.

Divide dough into 16 portions, each about 3 tablespoons (or use #24 cookie scoop). Arrange 2 inches apart on prepared baking sheets, 8 dough balls per sheet. (Smaller baking sheets can be used, but will require 3 batches.)

Bake cookies 1 tray at a time until cookies are golden brown and still puffy, and edges have begun to set but centers are still soft, 10 to 14 minutes, rotating baking sheet halfway through baking. Transfer baking sheet to wire rack; cool cookies completely before serving.

Sweet lies

So, I said I was going to make it up to you (the abandonment and all). That was a lie. Because I thought I was going to make you an awesome crisp and you’d be so excited about it and it would be just the thing for a summer night with vanilla ice cream. But instead I made you a kinda soggy and mediocre crisp. And you deserve better than that.

Let me qualify: this crisp probably COULD be awesome and crunchy and baked-fruity and lovely. I just screwed it up. Well I mean, my peaches screwed it up. They were a bit banged up. Turns out transporting peaches from Oakland to San Francisco in a bag along with about 20 lbs of clothes via BART results in severely bruised peaches. So they were all overripe and broken up and JUICY friends.

And I didn’t compensate, see? It told me to scoop the whole fruit mixture into the baking pan and I followed blindly, even though I could clearly see that there was enough liquid in there to drown Noah and his ark.

So then the crisp topping kinda got deluged and instead of being that sparkly crisp that flour+sugar+butter produces, it ended up looking more like steelcut oatmeal. And the poor almonds didn’t roast and become fragrant. They just sat in that bubbling peach liquid and got all soggy. There are few things worse than soggy almonds, friends (you see how I didn’t say soggy nuts and then kinda giggle? I’m 26 now).

But I needed to use those peaches asap because they were on their way south. So. Here we are. With mediocre crisp. NEXT TIME. Next time I’ma make it up to you. Promise for reals.

And also, next time, with this crisp, I think I’d add more topping. There is just not nearly enough. I want my butter, dammit. Give it to me. And, dudes, I totally didn’t read the part about the fresh ginger, and I was thinking to myself, hmm, peaches….these would be nice with some ginger. But then I didn’t want to deviate from the recipe because I wanted to try it straight up the first time I made it. But it’s in there! And I totally HAVE fresh ginger. It could’ve been done! Bah! What a fucking travesty. I need a beer.

Fruit Crisp
from Cooks Illustrated, July 1998

To make a larger crisp that serves 10, double all the ingredients, use a 13 x 9-inch baking pan, and bake for 55 minutes at 375 degrees, without increasing the oven temperature. If making an apple crisp, we recommend equal quantities of Granny Smith and McIntosh apples. Peel, core, and cut apples and pears into one-inch chunks. Peel, pit, and cut nectarines, peaches, and plums into half-inch wedges. If using plums, add one tablespoon quick-cooking tapioca to the fruit mixture. Half a teaspoon of grated fresh ginger makes a nice flavor addition to all the fruits.

Topping Mixture
6        tablespoons unbleached all-purpose flour
1/4     cup light brown sugar , packed
1/4     cup granulated sugar
1/4     teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4     teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4     teaspoon table salt
5         tablespoons unsalted butter , cut into 1/2-inch pieces and chilled
3/4     cup pecans or whole almonds, chopped coarse (or chopped fine if mixing topping by hand)

Fruit
2 1/2 – 3     pounds apples, nectarines, peaches, pears or plums (6 cups cut)
1/4     cup granulated sugar
1 1/2     tablespoons lemon juice
1/2     teaspoon grated lemon zest from 1 lemon

For the Topping: Place flour, brown sugar, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in food processor workbowl fitted with steel blade. Add chilled butter and pulse until mixture moves from dry sand-like appearance with large lumps of butter to a coarse cornmeal texture, about three 4-second bursts. Add nuts and pulse until mixture resembles crumbly sand, about five 1-second bursts. Do not overprocess or mixture will take on a smooth, cookie-dough-like texture. (To mix by hand, allow butter pieces to sit at room temperature for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, mix flour, brown sugar, granulated sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in medium bowl. Add butter; toss to coat. Pinch butter chunks and dry mixture between fingertips until mixture looks like crumbly wet sand. Add nuts and toss to distribute evenly. Do not overmix.) Refrigerate mixture while preparing fruit, at least 15 minutes.

Toss cut fruit, sugar, lemon juice, and zest (along with 1 tablespoon quick-cooking tapioca if using plums as fruit) in medium bowl.

Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and heat oven to 375 degrees. Scrape fruit mixture with rubber spatula into 8-inch square (2 quart) baking pan or 9-inch round deep dish pie plate. Distribute chilled topping evenly over fruit; bake for 40 minutes. Increase oven temperature to 400 degrees; bake until fruit is bubbling and topping is deep golden brown, about 5 minutes longer. Serve warm or at room temperature.