Oh, honey

Oh. Honey. This ice cream? Words are failing me today. There aren’t any words. Just:

Go. Go to the store. Buy some cream, and some milk, and a vanilla bean. If you don’t already have those things.

Then get some honey. Some really f’ing good honey. Maybe your dad is a beekeeper (holler at me offspring of beekeepers!), and you have honey of your own, I don’t know. If not, maybe splurge at a natural foods store or farmer’s market to get some local stuff. You won’t use too much of it, and you won’t regret it. Store bought honey, I’m sorry, I need to be snotty here: it fucking sucks.

Then slice open that vanilla bean. Simmer it in some milk.

Stir in that honey and a pinch of salt after it’s cooled. Pour in the cream. Put it in the fridge. Do as I say.

Then get out your ice cream maker. If you don’t have one, go buy one! What is wrong with you? Don’t you love delicious ice cream? With your own mixer, it’ll cost you about $2 to make a quart of it, and you can put all sorts of crazy crap in it. If you get an electric one, there is literally no work to be done. GO. GO DO IT.

Then churn it. CHURN THAT DELICIOUS CONCOCTION.

THEN FREEZE IT. AND SCOOP IT.

PUT IT IN A BOWL. Put fruit on it. Dice up some nectarines and sprinkle in some raspberries. Eat it plain. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT HOW YOU LIKE YOUR ICE CREAM, JUST PLEASE TELL ME YOU’LL DO THIS FOR ME. FOR YOU. LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, I’M WRITING IN ALL CAPS.

Because there are no words, friends. No. Words. For how delicious this is. It’s the most delicious. It has no equal. Before I can bust out any more superlatives, please see for yourself. PLEASE. Go!

Honey Ice Cream
adapted from Pure Dessert

2 cups cream
3/4 cup milk (I used 2% but I think the recipe says whole)
1/2 vanilla bean (or splash some vanilla extract in there)
1/3 cup honey (you might want more. I like mine mild)
1/8 tsp salt

Cut the vanilla bean in half and slice one half open. Scrape out the seeds with the back of a knife and stir them and the pod into the milk. In a small saucepan, warm the milk & vanilla mixture over medium heat until it begins to simmer gently around the edges. Pour it into a medium bowl, and allow to cool completely. (This will prevent curdling when the honey is added.) Add the honey and salt, and stir well to dissolve the honey. Stir in the cream. Taste, and adjust the amount of honey as needed. Cover and chill thoroughly, preferably overnight.

Freeze according to the instructions for your ice cream maker. Then, before serving, store the ice cream in the freezer until hard enough to scoop, at least 3 to 4 hours.

Yield: about 1 quart